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Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash

"Hosties" Animated Commercial

TELEVISION SCREEN - COMMERCIAL

Two cartoon ALTAR BOYS sift through their bowls of cereal.

ALTAR 1

The same boring cereal again?

A cheesy CARTOON CHRIST floats down from above.

CHRIST

Man cannot live on boring cereal alone!

ALTAR 1 & 2

IT'S JESUS!

Jesus pulls a box of HOSTIES cereal from his sash.

CHRIST

Why not try Hosties!

CL on cereal pouring into a bowl. It's shaped like Eucharistic hosts. Milk follows.

CHRIST VO

New Hosties is fortified with vitamins and minerals, topped off with an angelic kiss of frosting that stays crispy in milk!

Christ's hands on their shoulders, the Altar Boys down their cereal happily.

CHRIST

Hosties is an important part of any nutritious breakfast, and each one is blessed by a high ranking Vatican Monsignor - good for the body, and good for the soul. But make sure you've confessed beforehand...

Altar 2 clutches at his throat, gasping.

ALTAR 2

I... I touched... m..myself! I'm...s...sorry...

CHRIST
(smiling benignly)

You're forgiven.

Altar 2 stops choking and continues eating, happily.

CHRIST

So try a bowl of Hosties! And don't just take my word for it...

A cartoon POPE pops out of the box, eating a spoonful of cereal.

POPE

They're Heavenly!

INT. GLICK'S OFFICE - DESK

A hand switches off the TV Pan up to Cardinal Glick, all smiles.

GLICK

Well...? Doesn't it pop?

Bethany, Rufus, Jay and Silent Bob are at a total loss for words.

JAY
(After a long beat)

Does it come in chocolate flavor?

The Cardinal picks up a golf putter and begins putting into an overturned glass.

GLICK

You see? Now this one's got vision!

(to Jay)

We're rolling out the flavors in September. Big cereal month with the kids, back to school and all.

BETHANY

It's a bit... startling.

GLICK

Exactly! And that's what we're looking to do - shake these people up a bit, get them motivated. That's the whole point of the campaign. Mass attendance is at an all-time low in this country. And it's not like we're losing them to the Protestants or Baptists - people aren't practicing at any denomination these days. If we can sell them some show - let 'em know the Catholic church has some panache, we can win them back - even get some new ones. Fill them pews, people - that's the key. And cross-promoting - like with the cereal tie-in grabs the little ones as well. Hook 'em while they're young. (sits at his desk, lights smoke)


"Hosties" Animated Commercial (Macromedia Flash)



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