Posted by Not So Somber at spider-tr061.proxy.aol.com on May 15, 2000 at 22:05:46:
In Reply to: The Doctor Is In posted by Kevin on May 15, 2000 at 21:13:27:
Your letter really made me think about my own life changing phases. I'm 18 now, school's out in a month. This fall I'll be at U of Delaware. I'm left wondering, where did it all go? I mean, aside from this year, most of my teen years were horrible. I mean, they weren't that bad, but I'm overly dramatic. I had my first love rip my heart out (twice even) and the fucked up part is that, in some ways, I still love her and always will. Then were was the whole "coming terms with my sexuality" bit. I don't know about others, but trying to grasp bisexuality was extremely hard on me. I'd constantly be questioning myself and the feelings I had. I'd notice an attraction and tell myself I should be having that attraction. That confusion gave way to a bout of depression I'm still working my way through. Really, and I'm not just saying that, but most of the high points of the past few years have involved you. I only remember two great things about sophmore year, one was going to England and Ireland, and the other was Vulgarthon, the rest of that year, I was depressed and hurting myself in ways I don't really want to talk about. Junior year, again, I only have to great memories, a fun New Years and the Stash Bash. Senior year was when it all started to turn around. I finally began to grasp who I was, identity wise, and was able to find someone who'd accept me for being bi. She's been too good to me. Then there's my book, which I published this year. And also, probably the highest point so far, was giving my book to you, Vincent, and Lee at the Stash that day. I know you probably never got around to looking at it, but to be able to give my labor of love to my idol was a defining moment in my life, right up there with first discovering I was bi from the Feb 98 GQ with ben on the cover. My dad bought it for me because he had just seen GWH and thought I'd dig the article. man, i'd find him hanging from the belt in the basement if he ever found out what that magazine did for me.
I'm rambling off here. I wanted to get around to saying that I'm finally at a great period in my life, and it's ending. I had to sort through so much shit and now, i have to move on. At least I had a few good moments and I have you to thank for some of them.
Randall