Posted by Lucifer Lyndon Razoodock at spider-wg024.proxy.aol.com on December 22, 2000 at 17:52:51:
In Reply to: Are the Smurfs Gay? posted by RapaportRocks! on December 22, 2000 at 14:36:17:
: Well...are they?
I'll tell you what, with major studios resurrecting beloved fossilized icons like Scooby Doo *and* going all-out to produce fully-CG features, the time is ripe for "The Smurfs," a fully CG-animated epic to be scripted by our own Kevin Smith, and since he's grown to a Hollywood player on the level of Oliver Stone, he can demand the condition that he retains full creative control (to be shared, at his leisure, with Scooter) just so long as he keeps things tamer than an "R" (which wouldn't rule out PG-13).
Oh, sure. "National Lampoon's Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back" is going to be one thing, but "The Smurfs" would be a chance to show that Kev. can deliver on the level of "Mars Attacks!," a major hurdle for any auteur worth his salt.
I make no suggestion save that he consider using the opening scene to purge his fascination with "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom." Here, we'd get one of those big, beautful animated camera pans which would all of the smurfs at once to the audience. The would be performing a sort of homage to the Thugee cult sequence in "Temple of Doom" as Smurfette, the one and only female in the blue cult, is offered to them for their annual, ritualistic, cult-wide gang-fuck for purposes of fertilization so that she can go off and produce a another hive's worth of little smurfs.
I know it sounds kinky, but nature is strange like that.