That's a hellva story pilgrim...*NT*

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Posted by BrodieGod at on January 15, 2001 at 17:14:13:

In Reply to: I hate to sound like a crotchety trollop, but... posted by Tishel Aromatic on January 15, 2001 at 17:06:52:

: I saw "Clerks" at the EXACT MOMENT it came out in 1994. I remember it distinctly because the film was so FUCKING NEW it kept getting trapped in the automatic projector and we were all screaming bloody murder because we knew we were a part of history and many of us, in fact, meet on the same day every year in the parlor of my palatial West Hollywood home to ruminate on our luck in being the first 18 pairs of eyes to witness Kevin Smith's cinematic masterpiece -- we declined everyone else's repeated entreaties to join our select group. Hell, even KEVIN called us that night and said, "Man, you guys are our FIRST EVER fans; I am so impressed because not even I have had the pleasure of seeing the final cut yet. Do you think we should have a discussion board on the Internet to discuss it?"

: "Of course," we replied and the wheels were set in motion. At first it started out as various party lines, then grew to a BBS board, then evolved to a renegade segment of Sierra Online, then finally, when cyberspace hit us full-thrust the paint on View Askew was fresh enough for us to get high on like old elementary-school mimeograph tests.

: Oh, we were blessed. I told all my preschool buddies to knock it off with that shitty Barney and Fellini noise, that I had seen the wave of the future. "Like it's this RILLY cool black and white movie bemoaning the lot of a generation thus far unwilling to accept the message that perspiration is one-third inspiration, that you cannot resign yourself to the shackles," I said breathlessly to my pals between naptimes. You see, I was CHOSEN as a messenger to the playground set.

: I am a true fan, dig, from way-back. When I was but a fetus the swimming nuclei whispered the name Kevin Smith and showed me a rough cut ("we don't have the Jesus Lizard in yet, but you get the drift," a drifting spermozoa admitted) in my mother's womb some 22 years before the movie ACTUALLY CAME OUT.

: Since then I've become a true fan of other movies. I saw "Jaws" when it came out, making me a true Spielberg fan. I saw "Star Wars" opening day, which makes me a true George Lucas fan (unlike this Silent-Bob fellow, a true trend-follower sellout who probably never saw the original print in a theater -- and that "I wasn't born yet, numbnuts" argument HOLDS NO WATER with ME, young man! If you were a true fan, you would've MADE THE EFFORT). I saw "Bachelor Party" in its second week, "Stripes" on a weekend; I snuck into "Porky's Revenge" in the eighth grade, making me a true Dan Monahan fan; I saw "Ski School" the night it premiered on Showtime, thus making me a longtime proponent of Dean Cameron's Dave Marshak; and I'll be damned if I wasn't that tow-headed tyke in the front row during a special midnight premiere of "Up The Creek."

: But please don't blame this tirade on Tishel Aromatic; he keeps wanting to come back to the board to post but his pride won't let him so he's asked me, his best friend since 1979, to take his lumps. So that's why the IP numbers are the same. Not because he's sitting in front of his computer typing this, but because I'm sitting in front of m--uh, his computer typing this for him. He says that if you question his true fanhood of Kevin Smith and other distinguished filmmakers and thespians (Dan Monahan included), he will be more than happy to mail you all pertinent copies of receipts and handwritten memos. If he were here. But he's not.

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