Posted by The Immortal Grimace at dialupc186.farg.uswest.net on March 19, 2001 at 16:23:50:
You know... this reminds me of the time I went to a movie, and left my father's urn, ashes and all, at the theatre. I called the manager, and he said that he gave the urn to a guy named Mort. So I called Mort and he said he mailed them to a buddy of his in Alaska. After sending Nanook several e-mails, he finally confessed that he sent them to a guy named Lynch. That's right. Him. What follows is true, and I would have posted it sooner, but I just made it up.... I mean remembered it.
After first sending this Lynch character an e-mail demanding the urn be sent back. He responded with an e-mail that said, and I quote, "No.". Oh, yeah. With his heart in a very dark place, he refused to give me my urn back. I was very attached to that urn. My dad's ashes were in there. So, I sent him a box big enough for the urn... Included in the box was a macaroni sculpture in the shape of a bunny rabbit. My little way of saying 'Thanks. Here's a bunny rabbit shaped clump of macaroni.' Two weeks later I recieved the box back. I was so happy! In the box, was a note that said, "Here's your freakin bunny back, bitch!" I picked up the bunny and noticed that the inside had been hollowed out, and filled with feces. That's right. Feces. So I wrote a very long I hate you letter and posted it on a "I love pop-culture refrencing movies" website. I used the words jerk, butt, and punk. For this, I apologize. I just wanted my father's urn and ashes back. Lynch responded on that very site (Imagine my surprise) that I was a cunt, fuck-face, and a schmoe. Once I look those words up, I'll reply in kind. So I came here to post this request. Mr. Lynch. Please send my urn back. I miss my father's ashes, and so does he. He's been using an ashtray since that day, but it's just not the same. It doesn't have a lid like the urn did. You can even poop in it if you like. I don't much mind. I sold a poop filled macaroni bunny on e-bay for 35 dollars. I found out later that I could have doubled my profit if I had advertised it was your poop, but it's not really about the money. It's about the memories I have with that urn and my father.