Whoa Whoa Whoa

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: DON'T COME TO NEW JERSEY! : I REPEAT! : DON'T COME TO NEW JERSEY! : I went to a numerologist last week and my birthday 8/5/80 is the anniversary of Marilyn Monroe's death. She's been speaking to me from beyond the grave about how I am to kidnap and marry Anna Nicole Smith and use her 450 million dollars to foil a renegade industrialist's evil plan. : Everyone knows that American Technology of the Smart Missile has surpassed technology to the point that it can attack anyone at anywhere as long as it has been 'painted' with a laser. : Well are you ready for this, a certain industrialist, who I won't name for fear of persecution, has secretly made all "Self Flushing" toilets at rest stops and such, right as if we'd believe them to be self flushing. Into secret, motion activated Dick Cameras. : These cameras paint your genitals with a laser and enable the US Government to send a miniature smart missile at you at any time. : I know what you're saying, this would be really obvious. : But the Missiles are very small and biodegradable, and they do not carry an explosive charge, but a degenerative airborne virus that makes its way into the bodies system through the urethra. : This virus, is a strain of AIDS, that degenerates the body's immune system quickly, enabling the person to die within days, and nobody is the wiser because they all die of natural causes. : Magic Johnson, Tommy Morrison....They did not get AIDS from women, but from missiles. They were the test celebrities involved in the Alpha testing of the plan. : God knows why this contract has been given to the industrialist by the US government, but my friends and spirits are working on it. : Like you, many reliable news reporters too think that I am crazy. : Reg wells will no longer return my phone calls, and Dan Rather has a restraining order. And Brian lynch keeps asking me if I want to cyber? : But I think that's just a euphemism for stealing my mind and soul and imprisoning them in the Pentium IV chip. : Anyway..... : DO NOT COME TO NEW JERSEY! : I've been listening to episodes of the SOPRANOS backwards every sunday night, and there are messages in LATIN detailing a wide out break of plague, right out of the book of exodus. And I believe this plague to be directly related to the dick missiles. : Anyone with a URETHRA is in danger, do not come to NEW JERSEY. : Keep your crazy self elsewhere outside the garden state. : YOU have been warned.

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