Holy shit,you are infrigginsane

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: : Dude, I think I am the fucking chick you got a dream about before : you made Dogma. At least, I think you got it all in a dream.:: : Was that the one with Heidi Klum,a bucket of ice cream and a : strategically placed Kevin? : : My messages started last fall with a psychic reading. This woman : starting talking to "someone" on the other side who knew everything : I've ever done.:: : Who could it be....wellllll....I don't know.....could it be.....SATAN? : : At that time I was told I would have great commercial success with a : movie I wrote (by the way, I write) and that some powerful folks would : produce. But his letter is not a ploy for help with work, we have a : much more important connection.:: : Do psychics ever say bad shit? Is there a psychic who is like "Shit,I : would'nt make any plans past the 30th of september. Sieze the : day,my friend." You walk in wearing a Clerks shirt and she says "You : will make movies and Kevin Smith will be involved." Way to fucking : go,Karnak. : : I was told I had a strong connection to you. But I didn't really think : much of it at the time.:: : Yes,the Thorazine was working,then. : : Since then, I have had so much freaky shit happen to me, too much : to tell you about in this message. But let me tell you, before this I was : totally against organized religion and I did NOT believe Christ wanted : us to worship him and I did NOT believe in a real devil. :: : Just those handsome devils on the side of Abercrombie and Fitch : bags. : : Too much to mention now. But I can say, so much has happened : that I have been moved to get the fuck out of town and head back to : Jersey to try to get you to read my screen play. It was when I was : thinking about this that I finally watched Dogma (for only the second : time) and had more revelations. I really believe I am that fucking : Linda F. character. And it struck me when I saw that scene where she : started flipping out and said "this is too big" and told God she hated : him.::: : You are Jesus' niece? Really? Guess everyone has a fuck-up in their : family,even the big JC. : : Kevin, I flipped out in the same exact way. And said the same exact : thing, verbatim. No shit. ::: : I think it was ment to be something people could identify with. : When I realized I had really been contacted. Only, I freaked out much : worse, in my bedroom, and starting banging my head into my door. :: : Umm.Riiigghhttt. Two foot putt,I ain't saying anything more. : And now, (did I tell you I'm from Eatontown?) I am making a fucking : pilgramage back to Jersey, just like in your movie. I am not a freak!:: : Don't sell yourself short,you are a tremendously large freak of : inhumane proportions. The midgard serpent of freaks. : Well, I am now!::: : Thou has hit Bingo,varlet. : But I wasn't before! I was selling advertising for Muvico Theaters but : quit last summer when I was compelled to only try creative things. ::: : Please don't list ritual homicide as something creative. Charlotte : Manson. : Well, financially, that's not working out too well. I also sing, but I don't : want shitty jobs, I have always had kind of an 'attitude'. Now I really : believe it is my old and frankly, superior soul.:::: : People with "old souls" can suck off cacti. : : Dude! I can't believe I finally got smart enough to post you this : message. I was told you didn't really like talking about how you got : the Dogma story because you feel like a freak, and no one believes : you. Well, no one fucking believes me. And I am honestly afraid the : people I have told may try and put me in a hospital or jail. :::: : God bless them. If anyone on this board works for a psych unit,e-mail : this broad and say you are the angel gabriel and need a place to : crash for the weekend,get her address,and send the guys with the : white coats and silly string. : Dude, the Loki and Bartleby thing, it's fucking real. And I know this : sounds really nutty, but from what the other side has told me, Matt : really is Loki, but Bartelby, well, I can't tell you who he is because he : is an asshole (not really, but he is hurting me by not helping me). I : went to Muvico and asked them to contact him, I told them about my : 'messages from God'. I believe they contacted him out of fear, : thinking I was a wacko, and from the messages I have gotten from : the other side (like predicting a million friggin' things I did in the last : few months) I really believe he is watching me via satellite. Only he is : too mistrusting to believe me even though I have given him tons of : info that there is no way I would have ever known. : ::::::: : Guess Minnie Driver hit the nail on the head. Now,fast forward : through more schizophrenic rambling. : : I am in major need of help. :: : No shit, Miss.Hinkley. Hey Darth Dobbin,do a psych profile on this : wacky bitch. : I have no one to turn to. I quit my good job last summer, a job where : they paid me on outstanding contracts, so it has been supporting me. : But my money has run out. ANd my Orlando family, whom have never : believed in me, and my mother has always been a terrible mother : anyway, even though they are re-born Christians, the minute I : mention 'talking to Jesus' they think I'm nuts. ::: : If Jesus ever directly responds,say you pray "Jesus, I want a big red : corvette" and you hear "Shut the fuck up,Hendrix and I are playing : cribbage", then you are indeed insane. Sorry. : So, there is more, I am supposed to have a whole bunch of great : re-incarntated old souls around me down here. Only, they are all : poor, and they don't believe me either!::: : You are in bad fucking shape if your delusions think you are nuts. : So, I was planning on driving up there and sleeping along the way in : my car and mooching off my relatives until I could get someone in : your office to read my screenplay, because I know you will want it, : whether this shit is true or not, which it is. Before I realized this stuff : was true, I wrote it with you in mind to direct. It has a musical twist, : very funny, and all about positive change. And it starts out with a : Carpenter song and a drive along the Jersey coast, you will love it. ::: : Read the intro, Miss McClaine. He can't take scripts,not even from : Jesus' party pals. : : Anyway, here we go. Ready to change the world? I am going to blow : your mind dude.:: : Hopefully not with a 12 gauge. : I need help ASAP! I am trying very hard to remain sane.:: : You failed,I think. Wait...Yea,you failed. : I know this stuff is real, only it is very hard because I am basically all : alone. I have two friends who 'believe' me, yet, at the same time, I : really don't think they totally believe me.::: : Anyone else here leaning towards paranoid schizophrenia with : delusions of grandeur? : Oh, and DON'T call Muvico YET! They think I am insane! I marched : into their office last month and told them I was the Holy Spirit : because all this stuff happened to me and I really believed God : would help me out with a booming voice! Don't laugh! It's not fucking : funny! I KNOW you got messages too and you HAVE to help me! : HELP HELP HELP!::: : The Holy Spirit just talks dirty to me. "Come,let me show you the way, : the way to MIND BLOWING FUCKING ORGASMS" : : And again, I am NOT looking for you to contact Matt!!! ERRRR I am : NOT a total fucking dork! I have always been a movie freak, but never : a collector of star shit.:: : You have always been a freak,Newman. : : Write me quick Kevin!:: : I would'nt wait to check into the clinic before Mr.Smith responds. And I : bet thats Kevin down at the S-Mart buying a Remington,top of the line. : : Christine : : (Friggin' Eve) : : (so they say) : All jokey aside,you need serious fucking help. Unless this is a big : joke. Then you are funny.

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