Posted by JMY at lennon.vianet.net.au on July 06, 2001 at 01:30:13:
Is it worth it?
I've wanted to make movies since I was 13 years old. I've loved movies since I was 2. I was weaned on the first generation of summer blockbusters, read, studied, listened, learned the craft. To follow this craft, to answer "filmmaker" when people ask what I do for a living, this has been my desire for as long as I can remember.
I live in Australia now, where the people are hungry for entertainment, voracious to the point where they devour each other's lives when there's nothing good on TV, or at the multi-plex. For the first time in my life, I've actually got a shot at beginning a career in filmmaking. I'm finishing the 3rd draft of a screenplay, I'm aiming for a Government grant, even planning such mundane details as how to market and distribute the finished product overseas! I've got the emotional support of family and friends on two continents. Except for one person; the painful irony is, she's the only person whose support I actually need.
My wife of 3 years loves me, and wants to believe, but the tenuous nature and generally flaky reputation of the entertainment business has her more than a little apprehensive. We're talking bricks in undies; she's terrified of the prospect of nurse-maiding a 30-year-old shiftless wannabe constantly hacking away at the Greatest Movie Never Made. She denies it, but it's in her eyes every time I mention my project.
That's a fair reaction, I guess; I spent most of the last 3 years dicking around in lousy jobs, trying to convince myself that I could give up my one and only dream, for the sake of a happy and harmonious marriage. Told myself to grow up, be a man, work crappy hours for crappy pay with a forced smile on my face. But not even my fallback crutch -the theater- could ease the pangs of knowing I should be writing and planning my first film. And sadly, I've never had an iota of talent for any work of a non-creative nature. In my heart of hearts, I've always know it's just meant to be! Yet, nothing I say will allay her fears.
I guess what I'm fumbling to ask you in such a roundabout manner is, can You tell her it's all worth it? You're a local boy who made good, who scraped, scrimped and survived, caught your break, runs two successful businesses and just earned an honorary degree; on top of that, she loves your movies! If anyone can convince her to hang on and have faith, you can!
I just want to know; after all these years, after all those films, you're still married, and raising a family. Is it really all worth it? You look pretty damn happy to me, and I'd call myself blessed to find the balance I seek, of a successful job doing what I want, and keeping it together with the woman I love.
I'll do the best I can to be the man she deserves, but if you could find it in your heart to throw a good word her way for me, I'd be in your debt!
End of grovel.