Posted by Darth Dobbin at ct-naugatuck3a-68.wtrbct.adelphia.net on August 06, 2001 at 22:00:27:
In Reply to: Kevin got Fined posted by MemoX33RTY on August 06, 2001 at 20:05:54:
God is EXPLICIT in his view on these unrepentant fucks.
Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts, as of woollen and linen together.
Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee.
So if you've got a Cotton/Poly shirt on, according to the "Good Book," GOD HATES YOU.
If you want to "keep the Bible's views" and remain true to the teachings of a relatively backward tribe, over 2000 years ago, you've got to go for the whole nine, amigo.
Also, you've got to break out the old throwing stones, if you want to "keep with the bible's view." Next time someone says "GOD DAMN!" or "GOD DAMN IT!" the bible is explicit on your "orders..."
And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of the Lord, shall be put to death.
Don't put away those stones just yet, though, my Bible-thumping friend. Your job is FAR FROM OVER. If you get married, and find out that your wife is not (gasp!!) a virgin, you gots to pelt her with the stones too. Kinda harsh, but hey! This is God's will, isn't it?
But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel:
Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.
But WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAITT!! There's more!! The lord ALSO wants you to BURN people who do shit he's not into.
Ever entertain the sexy notion of somehow getting into both a "mother and daughter?" Best not fulfill that one, lest you be held accountable to the Lord's explicit instructions..
And if a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they; that there be no wickedness among you.
Also, "slutty daughters" of Priests have got it tough.
And the daughter of any priest, if she profane herself by playing the whore, she profaneth her father: she shall be burnt with fire.
So yeah, PLEASE, base your feeling on gays on what the bible says. But please ALSO hate people who wear linnen and wool at the same time, and also hate people who breed two kinds of cows together, and while you are at it, please hate and stone any woman who gets married if she is not a virgin.
IT'S A SURE TICKET INTO HEAVEN!!!
You ever read Jack Chick Tracts? Fun stuff.
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