Did you ride the short bus to school? *NT*

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: : Dear Mr. Smith, : : I saw your movie Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back thinking that it might be a mindless comedy that would at least be marginally funny. I expected it to be offensive in the Southpark vein and juvenile as well. What I did not expect was that it would be so bad. To put my comments in perspective I will let you know that I am a 33 year old guy who likes his movies. I have an extensive DVD collection and have seen more movies than most people have had hot dinners. The type of movies I enjoy are not mass market garbage, either. Lest you think I am some Freddy Prinze Jr liking, Titanic DVD owning, Planet of The Apes Tim Burton Revisiting watching bastard do not be fooled. : : Now, don't get me wrong. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was not overly scatological or a slam on gay people, or too inside (yes, I recognized the Reservoir Dogs cats during the Miramax lot scene), or too koo koo krazee for anyone not hip to the groove to get. It was simply bad. It was badly written, badly directed and badly edited. Most of the scenes that had any potential were sabotaged halfway through. For example, if the nun had wanted the oral sex that would have been mildly amusing, but her throwing the numbskulls out of the car was tired and pathetically predictable. The George Carlin bit with him mugging to the camera while going down on the trucker was disturbing. Not because of the subject matter but because after the set up there was no laugh. Carlin is such a good comedian I am surprised he did not say something about that scene being essentially a waste of film. I mean it was like watching a video on caulking my bathroom tiles. Not gross or disturbing or interesting in any way, just there. That was the sense that the majority of your film gave the viewer: the sense that they were watching a third grade class who knew how to curse through a one way mirror. : : In addition to ninety five percent of the jokes going nowhere, repetition in the dialogue of your principle was incredibly annoying. It was however, never very funny. I love cursing. I do it all day long, but I know that for cursing to have comedic effect it must be used the way a sushi chef wields his knife. If you are going to use cursing as a comedic device in your next film you should review the king of all cursing movies, Pulp Fiction. : : There are many other criticisms I could level at your movie, but its lack of comedy is the most damning. I went with a group of like-minded friends and now none of them will ever listen to one of my movie suggestions, as I was the one who said we should give your piece of donkey crap a chance. I went with two other friends and we feel you owe us twenty-eight bucks for wasting ninety five minutes of our lives with your inferior attempt at movie making. I will never screen another movie you make as long as I live unless god comes down from on high and promises me a) that I will get into heaven despite all the things I did in college and b) that it is truly funny. : : Please Email me back as soon as possible to tell me you have read this and I will send you my address and tell you where you can mail my check. : : Thank you for your consideration. : : P.S. : : Here is a short list of films I think are excellent and another short list of films I think are better than Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. : : : : Excellent movies (an * denotes that I own this movie): : : Any Cohen Brothers movie * : : Pulp Fiction * : : Reservoir Dogs * : : Robocop * : : Young Frankenstein : : Any P.T. Anderson movie * : : Any Kubrick movie * : : Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead * : : Fight Club * : : Rushmore * : : Zero Effect * : : Yojimbo : : Monty Python and The Holy Grail * : : American Psycho * : : House of Games * : : Glengarry Glen Ross : : Alien * : : Planet of the Apes (original) * : : Network * : : Fistful of Dollars * : : Goodfellas * : : Star Trek II : : Films Better than Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back : : Tango and Cash : : Any Airport movie : : Robocop III : : The Human Duplicators : : Rush Hour : : Universal Soldier : : Any Steven Seagal movie : : Any movie staring Carrot Top : : Time Cop : : Raw Deal : : The Fisher King : : The Terror of Tiny Town : : The Cutting Edge : : Star Wars Episode 1 : : Miss Congeniality : : Speed II : : Purple Rain : : St. Elmo’s Fire : : Star Trek V : : Pump up the Volume : : Untamed Heart : : Alien From L.A. : : Any movie staring a child or animal.

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