The Revised Offically Unofficial Askew Timeline!


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Posted by TheClerkCalledFreeway at h24-79-53-90.cg.shawcable.net on September 06, 2001 at 21:04:19:

Yes there's still spoilage! Stop reading, or read on for the second edition (revised).

Thanks to Steve 0-A, chasing_soo, shelbster, BankyRat and everyone else for reading it & giving suggestions. You rule! I worked out the "graduation at 15" and "fingercuffs at 13" problems by...
Moving the birth years up by one. Graduation at 16 is possible, but hell, this is just an apporixmation. The comment in Clerks (95) about Dante & Randal being 22 means that they (and other 88 grads) would be born in 73. Right? Well, if they turned 22 in late 94, then they would be born in 72, which seems more plausable. Plus, Cohee transfered to North during Senior Year (87), and THEN the fingercuffs incident happened. Derris just hung around (he'd already graduated). I'm Canadian, so don't blame me for the inaccuracies. Hopefully somebody (VINCENT!) can make this the official timeline in lieu of HistoryAskew. Here's hoping...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay, here's my stab at figuring out the timeline. Here's answers to any questions that may arise. First, it's all in the order it happened in. Okay?

Q: What about the monkeys?
A: There's been one monkey (Jay & Bob taught it to smoke in Clerks:TAS), two orangutangs (one from J&SBSB, one from Chasing Dogma). The one from Chasing Dogma could be the one from J&SBSB, because in Chasing Dogma the guys give the orangutang to a scientist and get tickets to Chicago in return. Suzanne could've then been sold/taken by the company that it's stolen from in J&SBSB. It could've happened, but I'm not sure.

Q: What about the movie references?
A: Dogma, Good Will Hunting and Jungle Love are all among movies that were released in the Askewniverse. Dogma wasn't about Jay & Silent Bob and Kevin Smith's crazy ideas, though. It was about something else. The movies, TV shows and comic books that comprise the Askewniverse are just events that occur within it. Not movies. Just events. Got it? Let's go!

Suggestions are welcome. Let's fill HistoryAskew's gap!


~~~~~~~~~VIEW ASKEW TIMELINE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dawn of Time God creates universe
1969 Shannon Hamilton, Steve-Dave Pulasti, Walt Grover, Roddy &
Rick Derris born
Early 1970s Jay & Silent Bob born
Early 1970s Jay & Silent Bob meet as babies
1971 Terry Sanford born
1972 Veronica Loughran, Alyssa Jones, Caitlin Bree, Cohee Lundin, Julie Dwyer, Dante Hicks, Randal Graves, Holden McNeil & Banky Edwards born
1973 Gil Hicks born
1974 Gwen Turner, T.S. Quint, Brodie Bruce, Brandi Svenning, Rene Mosier & Heather Jones born
1977 Holden McNeil & Banky Edwards become friends
Late 1970s Dante Hicks & Randal Graves become friends
1980 Tricia Jones born
1983 Dante Hicks & Caitlin Bree begin on & off dating
During 1984 “Purple Rain” released
Dec 1984 Randal Graves gets a Motley Crue jacket for Christmas
During 1985 “The Breakfast Club” released
June 1985 Shannon Hamilton, Steve-Dave Pulasti, Walt Grover, Roddy &
Rick Derris graduate from North
1987 Cohee Lundin transfers from Hudson to North
During 1987 The finger-cuffs incident occurs
June 1987 Terry Sanford graduates from Hudson
June 1988 Julie Dwyer, Dante Hicks, Randal Graves, Holden McNeil & Banky Edwards graduate from Hudson; Caitlin Bree, Alyssa Jones & Cohee Lundin graduate from North; Veronica Loughran graduates from high school (presumably)
Sept 1989 Veronica Loughran enrolls in Seton Hall
1989-1993 Julue Dwyer & Dante Hicks date (somewhere in there)
June 1989 Gil Hicks graduates from North
Early 1990s Cousin Walter dies trying to suck his own dick
June 1990 Gwen Turner, T.S. Quint, Brodie Bruce & Brandi Svenning graduate from Hudson; Rene Mosier & Heather Jones graduate from North
1993 The last time Dante Hicks sees/talks to Julie Dwyer
Sept 1994 Dante Hicks & Veronica Loughran begin dating
~Early 1995 Tricia Jones begins research
Feb 1995 Veronica Loughran transfers to Monmouth from Seton Hall
Apr 14/95 Julie Dwyer dies in a pool (around 11pm)
Apr 15/95 Mallrats
-”Truth or Date” held in Eden Prarie Mall
-T.S. Quint & Brandi Svenning engaged
-Jay & Silent Bob beat up Easter Bunny
Apr 16/95 Clerks
Clerks: The Lost Scene
-Veronica Loughran breaks up with Dante Hicks
-Caitlin Bree committed
-Jay & Silent Bob go to a party
Apr 17/95 Easter Sunday
June 1995 Tricia Jones graduates from North
~Jul 1995 Boregasm released & begins 72-week run on NY Times List
Dec 1995 Boregasm: The Movie released
During 1997 “Good Will Hunting” released
Jun 1997 Jay & Silent Bob move in with Tricia Jones
Aug 1997 Comic Convention
Sep 1997 Bluntman & Chronic released
Idiosyncratic Routine released
White Hating Coon released
Dec 1997 The Death of Chronic (Bluntman & Chronic #4)
During 1998 “Phantoms” & “Armageddon” are released
“Dawson’s Creek” debuts on the WB
Jan 1998 The Diner Scene from Chasing Amy
Tricia Jones kicks Jay & Silent Bob out
Boregasm ends run on NY Times List
Jay & Silent Bob return Suzanne to scientist
Jay & Silent Bob go to Chicago
Holden McNeil sells rights to Banky Edwards
1998 Dogma
Buddy Christ adopted as Catholic mascot
Jul 1998 Chasing Amy released
Baby Dave released
Aug 1998 Comic Convention
During 1999 “Dogma”, “American Pie” & “Magnolia” released
During 1999 “The Talented Mr. Ripley” released
During 1999 “She’s All That” released
~Mar 1999 Clerks: The Comic Book
Dec 1999 Clerks: The Holiday Special
Caitlin Bree released from Marlboro (assumed)
During 2000: "Stab 3" released
During 2000 Clerks: The Animated Series (all episodes)
Jay & Silent Bob teach a monkey to smoke
2000 “Boys & Girls”, “Bounce”, “Legend of Bagger Vance”,
“Reindeer Games” and “All the Pretty Horses released
2001 Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back
"Moonraper" released
“Bluntman & Chronic Strike Back” released
“Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season” released
"Untitled Wes Craven Horror Movie" released*
During 2002 Justice released from prison



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