Posted by mr rob at ham.ulcc.wwwcache.ja.net on October 18, 2001 at 19:20:26:
In Reply to: hey, are u related to David Lynch? *nt* posted by tine on October 18, 2001 at 16:37:45:
It all started years ago in a small New Jersey town...
Vincent Pereira was a popular guy, the toast of the town, and was the leader of a small, exclusive clique.
Brian Hasselhoff was a young lad who spent much of his time drawing cartoon naked guys.
Young Brian liked Vincent and his popular ways, but couldn't get into the clique.
Oh, he tried.
He did.
He asked to be allowed into the clique.
"Vincent," Brian said meekly, "i think you're super sexy. Can i hang with you and your homies?"
"No," replied Vincent, "Go and draw cartoon naked men and write your 'funny' shit, you freaky bastard. I'm gonna go stand over there with my friends John Argento, Joe Scorcese and Jim Kubrick. You're not. You're better suited to watching the Muppets or some shit."
"What a fucking cunt," thought Brian, as he trailed off, "But he is alluring. He's got a good heart and i'm sure i can find it, if only i could get into that clique..."
He thought long and hard and drew many penises.
Then, one day...
"Finally!" exclaimed Brian, to the alarm of the nuns sitting nearby.
He made his excuses and left the women to go to some shop or somewhere. "Finally i understand what's been keeping Vincent and I apart! I can at last become the Wembley to his Boober!"
"It's that fucking Michael Butch Buchannon Knight cunt!"
"Brian!"
"Sorry, nun, i thought i was out of your earshot"
"Why are you speaking your thoughts out loud?"
"Some guy said it would be funny... Sorry."
So Brian went on a journey, Looking For Freedom, to find a director who's name he could copy, a director weirdly stylish enough to give him an edge in Pereira's krew. And he found David Lynch.
Brian Lynch approached Vincent and Vincent allowed him into the clique. It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Later, Lynch saw the other side of his new-name-coin, when the term 'Lynched' became relatively common on some geek-arsed webboard.
Goodnight.
Rob xx