Posted by Narcissist at sdn-ar-001cthartp019.dialsprint.net on November 16, 2001 at 14:50:32:
In Reply to: Chasing Amy And Men In General posted by chunchmeow on November 16, 2001 at 13:35:39:
I have a very dear friend who is gay- sort of. Bisexual- perhaps.
Strangely enough I have never heard her describe herself as either.
She is in her 30's... and has had two very significant long-term relationships. Both with women- the first lasted 7 years, and her current relationship is going on 6. Before she fell in love with a woman, she dated. Exculsively men. Between her first and second long-term relationships she had casual sexual relationships with men.
I haven't discussed her sexual preferences with her at length. I knew her and her girlfriend very well for years before they kissed in front of me (a harmless 'goodbye' peck, no heavy petting). Although I knew the nature of their relationship from (almost) the beginning- it just didn't seem to need to be discussed.
She has the typical straight-woman lust Mel Gibson, Keanu and the like... but yet hasn't caved for the dick in almost 6 years.
As far as her number of sexual partners go... I am fairly certain the men far outnumber the women. She has told me that in her previous relationship she and her girlfiend discussed each of them (on rare occassion) being "allowed" to go out to have sex with a man. Both her and her ex acknowledged, that every once in a while "you just need dick". (a statement spoken by 2 lesbians, none-the-less... maybe Banky was on to something after all... ;))
My own theory on her gender preference... physically- she is as drawn to men as any heterosexual woman. However, on the two occassions when she has been given the gift of falling in love- she has found that with women. Women have been the ones to fufill her emotionally and mentally.
The kind of sex that occurs in a truly loving and committed relationship is not the animalistic driven- "Look at that ASS! I must sink my fingernails into it!" it is the desire to be as physically close to someone as you possibly can. To share in something... other-worldly.
Both types of sex have their merits. Both types can bring one to heights of pleasure unknown outside of a world crack-cocaine ;).
Alyssa did not turn straight. Alyssa was as complex of a creature as any one of us. She did not possess any pre-conceived notions that... hmm, I like men- I'll go with that. She was expiremental, she tried it all. Yes, men must've felt good to her (you don't take on two guys unless it feels good), but she didn't find what she needed emotionally. She tried women on for size. Once again, it felt good. But she still wasn't complete in the kind of way the now-cliched Jerry McGuire understands.
However, maybe she was like my friend. Sex with men- good. Sex with women- good. Emotional connection- easier to attain with women. Therefore, she stuck herself with the 'gay' label, assuming that if she ever did find "Love"- it would be with a woman.
Holden came as a surprise. She found what she had been looking for, and was initially stunned that it came with a penis.
The reason I don't think this type of change occurs more often in men... society doesn't allow it. Women are given the freedom to explore their sexual options because men think it's hot.
There are lesbians out there who have absolutely no sexual attraction to men. These women could NOT turn straight- no matter how white Ben Affleck's teeth are.
There are gay men out there who have absolutely no sexual attraction to women- these are the men you are certain you could never convert. And you're right. Because a man has to be damn sure he's not into chicks before he's willing to assign himself a label that still carries a whole lot of shit with it.
There are definitely men who would enjoy sex with both men and women. These are the men who never experience the dick, because women feel good, so why rock the boat and try out men. These are the men who get married and have children... only to start placing ads in alternative newspapers for a discreet lunch time relationship with a young gay male.
If society allowed for these men to experiment when they were young (if there was a such thing as "faggot chic"), then they would. I think a lot more women are beginning to take adavantage of the fact that we are living in a climate that endorses their sexual exploration.
"It's not who you love, it's how".
No, I probably couldn't ever understand this film from a male point of view. What still amazes me is how well Kevin Smith seems to understand it from a chick's perspective.