Ok, I'll give some advice...

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: Quick copy this and post it on the VA Fan site (link in yellow box above) because as soon as Ming gets on here, he'll erase this. VA folks post on here and they can't read other people's scripts - LEGALLY. : : I can't believe I'm doing this. : : But you guys are a bunch of honest people. So I'm gunna run my script past you guys. I am doing this for a film class (somehow, I accidently wound up in film school. Well, I'm in animation, but I got a whole bunch of film classes) If it really sucks I wanna find out before I commit to it. I have time to revise. : : So, here it is, warts and all. Takes place on a college, the characters (Vincent and Dan) are two college students. : : Things I'm worried about: : : The dialouge sucking. : : It being too much like A Better Place : : It sucking overall. : : So, comments, harsh critism welcome. : : PS this is still a work in progress... I've only been working on it for about 3 days. And I know its not in any sort of script form, might be hard to follow. Sorry. : : : : Untitled Shitty Short Film for Film/Video Production II Class. : : Location: Yellow-lit staircase : : Dan is in a hallway, leaning against a doorway, scared. He steps away from the door. It flies open. A knife is knocked out of his hand. : : Dan reaches for it, Vincent knees him.. : : Vincent grabs the knife and holds it up threateningly. : : Dan is freaked out. : : Dan: Vincent… : : Vin: What, Dan? : : Dan: Vincent. Stop. Put it down. : : Vin: You don’t understand it Dan. You’ll never understand. : : Dan: Vincent. Just put the knife down. Let’s forget about it. You haven’t done anything. : : Vin: You don’t understand Dan. You do NOT understand. : : Dan: Stop. Vincent. Now. Stop. Think. Before you do something. : : Vincent walks up to Dan, who is in front of the door. : : Vin: Let me through. : : “4 days earlier” : : Monday : : Tracking shot- walking : : Dan: So I’m leaving for break, right? And I unplug my fridge like you’re supposed to, right? : : Vin: Yeah : : Dan: So I get back, what, two weeks later. And I open the fridge. And guess what’s inside. : : Vin: What? : : Dan: A puddle of rancid liquid from the ice cream sandwich I had left in the freezer. : : Vin: (laughing) Oh shit, man, that’s great. How long did it take to clean out? : : Dan: Oh, I haven’t yet. Ech. Its funny how quickly you get used to warm soda. : : Vin: Uck. : : Dan: So what are you doing tonight? Wanna hit the arcade? : : Vin: No. English homework. I’m in deep shit, I procrastinated it all. Plus, early class tomorrow. : : Dan: Okay. (checks watch) and I gotta get to class right now. Seeya around. : : Vin: Seeya. : : Vincent’s dorm. : : Black. Door opens. Vincent walks in, turns on lights. : : Sits down in chair for a sec, resting. Turns computer on. Reaches up, picks up Chasing Amy DVD. Looks at JLA on it. Creepily. Puts DVD in computer. Gets up, turns lights off. Watches scene in CA. Stares at JLA. Creepily. Puts hand on monitor. : : : : Tuesday : : Shot of hall : : Door at end opens. Vincent comes walking down. Stops at drinking fountain. Sees flyer. Flyer advertises screening of Chasing Amy and appearance by Joey Lauren Adams. Vincent’s eyes bug and he drops his orange juice. He tears the flyer off the wall and hurries away. : : Wednesday : : Arcade. Playing air hockey. : : Dan: That’s no doubt the stupidest joke I’ve ever heard. Ever : : Vin: I got another one? Its better. : : Dan: Sure. (Gives Vin a look) What’s up with you today? : : Vin: Whats up with me? : : Dan: Whats up with you. Shouldn’t you be off watching your stupid movies. : : Vin: What : : Dan: That stupid movie. Chasing Amy. That you’re always watching. Vincent, they have these things, called “new movies”. Check one out sometime. : : Vin: I don’t watch it that much. : : Dan: Excuse me? It’s the ONLY thing you watch. And you sit and watch it instead of going out and doing shit. Like playing air hockey with your friend. : : Vin: Which I am now. : : Dan: Which is why I asked what was wrong with you. : : Vin: She’s coming here. : : Dan: Who? : : Vin: Joey Lauren Adams? The star of previously discussed movie which you hate. : : Dan: Ohhhh yeah. They’re screening that stupid movie and she’ll talk or something. Rick told me a few weeks ago. : : Vin: A few weeks ago? : : Dan: Yeah… : : Vin: (sounding pissed) Why didn’t you tell me? : : Dan: (off hand) I completely forgot. Like I care about it. : : Vin: (angry) I sure fucking do! : : Dan: (confused; after a pause, stepping back.) I’m just going to step back a bit here. : : Vin: (rising in anger) Fuck you. Now aren’t you quite the fucking friend. What do you have against her? She’s coming in two days. I could have friggin MISSED her. : : Dan laughs, confused. Vincent’s making a scene. : : Vin: I’m not laughing : : Dan: Well, you’re not supposed to laugh at your own jokes. : : Vin: (near breaking point, but restrains himself) I got class. : : Vincent storms off. : : Dan stands there, really confused. : : Friday : : Vincent in room. Looks at pictures of JLA creepily. Combs his hair. Wearing nice shirt. Watches JLA in Mallrats. Picks up phone and dials. : : Back door to Theater : : Vincent is sitting next to door, on ground. : : Dan walks up : : Dan: (looking around) So there you are. : : Vincent has a vacant look in his eyes. : : Dan: Why… did you tell me to meet you back here? : : Vin: (not looking at Dan) She ignored me. : : Dan: What? : : Vin: This is where she enters the building. I was over there running. I was too late. She got out of the car. I shouted to her. She looked over at me. We made eye contact. For one second, I was looking into her eyes For one second. She ignored me. She went inside. : : Dan: Vincent! Its fucking cold out. Get up. : : Vin: (absentmindedly) Yeah : : Dan: What the hells wrong with you? : : Vin: She went inside. : : Dan: Vincent! You bought tickets. You’ll see her in the show. Get up. Lets go. I’ll buy a ticket too. Vincent! : : Vin: She went inside. : : Dan storms off. : : Dan’s dorm : : Dan’s sitting in chair, reading comic book or magazine. Drinking warm soda. : : Looks at clock : : Reaches over, picks up phone. : : Dials. : : Phone rings a whole bunch. No one answers. : : Puts phone down. Looks worried. : : Back Door : : Vincent is still sitting against the wall. : : Dan walks up to him : : Dan: You missed the show, didn’t you? : : Vin: Yeah… : : Dan: Vincent. : : Vin: What? : : Dan: You’re scaring me. : : Vin: Just go away. : : Awkward silence : : Dan: (realizes) You’re waiting for her to come out, aren’t you. : : Vin: Go away. : : Dan: You’re stalking her! : : Vin: No. She wants to meet me. : : Dan: What? : : Vin: And you can’t take that. You don’t want me to meet her. : : Dan: You’re right. I don’t. : : Dan walks over to Vin, makes to grab him : : Dan: Come on. : : Vincent jumps up and clumsily pulls out a knife out of his pocket. It’s a regular kitchen knife wrapped in a sock for protection. : : Vin: Go away. : : Vincent just stares at him. : : Dan grabs Vin’s arm- knocks knife out. : : Dan grabs knife off of ground, runs. : : Chase. : : Dan ducks into stairwell by gym. Slams door behind him. : : Moment of silence. Did he lose Vincent? No, door flies open just as Dan steps away from it. The knife flies out of his hand. : : Dan reaches for it, Vincent knees him in the face. : : Vincent grabs knife and threatens Dan with it. : : Dan is freaked out. : : Dan: Vincent… : : Vin: What, Dan? : : Dan: Vincent. Stop. Put it down. : : Vin: You don’t understand it. Dan. You’ll never understand. : : Dan: Vincent. Just put the knife down. Lets forget about it. You haven’t done anything. : : Vin: You don’t understand Dan. You do NOT understand! : : Dan: Stop. Vincent. Now. Stop. Before you do something. : : Vincent walks up to Dan, who is in front of the door. : : Vin: Let me through. : : Dan: No. : : Vin: Let me through. : : Dan: No : : Vincent holds up the knife : : Dan laughs, nervous. : : Dan: (softly, with the laugh)Vincent… : : Vin: I’m not laughing. : : Vincent attacks. : : He cuts Dan’s hand badly. Blood. : : Dan stands holding his hurt hand. : : Vincent is shocked. He realizes he just attacked his friend. He looks down at the knife. He drops it. : : Dan looks at Vincent. : : Vincent looks at Dan. He falls onto his knees. : : Dan: You’re not supposed to laugh at your own jokes. : : Dan stumbles up and out the door. : : Vincent lies back against the wall.

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