Lesbian Seagull 4 (less talking, more sucking)

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: Hey thanks for reading my last post and for the honest answers. I wrote it when i was 13 a while ago so my friends could laugh at it in class when they bored. You were suppose to read it and think of it as a 10 million dollar moive its far from that I know. Im gonna post the one my friends thought was the funniest. Nobody expect it to be like kevins movies please just read it and think of it as a story writen by a 10th grader OK. All the guys who read number 1 read this and tell me if i did better. Oh and the Your all gonna say i stole the Satan character from south park the movie but i wrote this almost a year before that movie even came out. Thanks for reading it and i want ur honest answer tell me if it sucks ok thanks. This is Part 4 the last one. : LESBIAN SEAGULL 4 (Less Talking, More Sucking) : Narrator : In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth, he took 7 days to do this. God put many animals on earth such as the dinosaurs, which are all dead now. Then God created a very powerful species, called humans. Many humans such as Hitler and Sadom Hussain are evil. Then in about 1984 God fucked up bad and made the biggest mistake of his existence, Jason Seal and Tamir Savage were born. Since the day they were born people knew that they would do something real bad. And they did … On the eve of the New Year 2000 the idiotic kids Jason and Tamir destroyed the world just to piss off Satan, but now they need to do something very bad to piss off Satan again. And it envoles God himself. Du nu nu : Where we last left Jason and Tamir : Place: Hell : Time: Right after earth was destroyed : Satan : (singing) Well its raining men holla luya its raining men. I just can’t wait to see all the young boys walking around ready to please me. : (something falls) : Satan : Who’s there? : Jason : Ha Ha Ha, I always knew you were a fag Satan Ha Ha : Tamir : Satan is a fag, Satan is a fag, Satan is a fag : Jason and Tamir : Hahahahahahahahahaha : (Tamir and Jason leave) : Satan : Damnit, well what you gonna do. (singing) Its raining men holla luya its raining men. Time to watch Men In Black again. I love that Will Smith. : (with Tamir and Jason somewhere else in hell) : Tamir and Jason : Satan is a fag, Satan is a fag, Satan is a fag : Jason : Hey Tamir I say we do something fucked up to Satan. : Tamir : Yea, but what? : Jason : I don’t fucking know. I suggested it. You gotta think what we’re gonna do. : Tamir : Ok : (Tamir starts to think. 2 seconds go by and Tamir falls down and goes into convulsions) : Jason : What the hell is wrong with you? : Tamir : I thought too hard and I think my brain blew up. : Jason : Okaaay : (The Blazin Caucasian enters) : Blazin : The Blazin Caucasian’s up in the hizouse. (tilts to side raises the roof) : Tamir : Oh sweet Jesus theirs two of them. (Tamir screams) : Jason : What the fuck! Bitch that’s my face! Hoe. : Blazin : What? You got my face, bizoch. : Jason : What the fuck kinda word is that? : Blazin : Are you fucking wit my shiznet, bizoch. : Jason : What hoe? And bizoch isn’t a fucking word. : Tamir : (points to Jason) Jason (points to Blazin) and Jason. Damn I knew I shouldn’t have smoked the pot. : Blazin : I’m the Blazin Caucasian, not “Jason”, who is this “Jason” anyways, bizoch. : Jason : I’m Jason and stop saying bizoch, you fucking prick. : Blazin : Damn women, why you gotta be wasting my flava. : Jason : Alright bitch now I’m pissed off. : (Jason punches Blazin square in the nose) : Blazin : Ow, son of a bitch, yous broke my nose. (cracks his nose back in place) Yup that feels better. : Tamir : But there’s two of you. (Tamir screams again) : Jason : Hey Blazin, what the hell kinda shirt is that? : Blazin : Its Blazin Wear my own clothing line. (looks into camera) Please who-evers watching buy my clothing. Please support Blazin Wear. : Jason : Hey asshole stick to the script. : Blazin : Oh yea, my bad. : Jason : Blazin, you know we just found out that Satan’s gay. You wanna go make fun of him? : Blazin : I know he is. He came up to me when I died and touched my ass. I was like hey bizoch don’t make me kick the shiznet outta your azznetoch. : Jason : You really like to make up words, don’t you? Lets go make fun of Satan. : Tamir : I better sell the rest of this pot back to that guy, its really fucking up my head. : (they leave to go make fun of Satan) : Satan : (singing) Its raining men holla luya its raining men. Oh Leonardo Decaprio you can really suck dick. : (they walk in) (Satan screams and Leonardo bites his dick, then Satan screams again) : Jason : Oh my god, that’s disgusting as hell. : : Blazin : Damn straight, bizoch. : Tamir : Ha Ha, Satan’s gay. : Jason : And so is Leonardo Decaprio. : Tamir : Well, we already knew that. : (Leonardo runs out naked and Satan slaps his ass) : : Satan : Well, what do you guys want. Wait a minute, there’s two Jasons. (Satan screams) Well at least there ain’t two Tamirs. : Blazin : How many times do I have to ask who this “Jason” is? : Jason : I told you 5 minutes ago that I’m Jason. : Blazin : No, your bizoch. : Jason : Damnit womens. (Jason punches Blazin in the face) : Blazin : Ow, that hurt. : (they hear a car pull up outside Satan’s house) (they go outside) : Blazin : Hey Mikey Mike I’s been looking for you. : (Mikey Mike gets out of his low-rider) : Blazin : Where did you get that low-rider from? : Mikey : Well, I was talking to this Mexican guy who owned it and I told him there was pot about ten miles that way, so he got outta his car to look and I jumped in and stole it from him. : Tamir : Whoa there’s two of me now, sweet. : Satan : Oh god no. : (Satan runs into his house screaming and he locks the door behind him) : Jason : Blazin, who is this guy? : Blazin : Who the hell are you? : Jason : Alright I give up with you. : Blazin : Oh guys I gotta tell you about my identical twin brother Mikey Mike. : Jason : But your white and he’s black. : Mikey : So what. : Jason : Don’t identical twins look exactly alike? : Mikey : Sup bizochs. : Jason : Why didn’t you answer my question? Damnit he says bizoch too. : Mikey : (points at Tamir) What the hell he looks like me. : Tamir : Yes I do. : Jason : Fine, don’t answer my question. : Mikey : (to Tamir) What’s your name? : Tamir : Its Tamir. : Mikey : I’ll never forget that name. : Jason : Why’s that car creeping up with no lights on. : Blazin : Oh shit it’s a drive by. : Tamir : Lets hop into Mikey Mike’s car. : (they go into Mikey Mike’s car) : Mikey : Shit that damn Mexican wants his car back. : Tamir : How come they’re shooting at us. : : Mikey : How the fuck do you drive this thing. : Jason : Put the key in, you fucking idiot. : Mikey : Oh yea. : (they start to drive off and bounce up and down at the same time) : Blazin : This is getting away in style. : Tamir : Hey Mikey Mike, how come you got two first names? : Mikey : Who the hell are you? : Tamir : I told you five minutes ago that my name is Tamir. : Mikey : No, your bizoch part 2. : (Tamir punches Mikey Mike right in the nose) : Mikey : Ow : Jason : Stop making the car hop up and down I’m getting sick to my stomach. : Tamir : Me too. : (they both throw up on their counter parts) : : Blazin and Mikey : God Damnit. : Jason : Whoa there’s like 1,000 pounds of explosives back here. : Tamir : Lets go blow up Satan’s house, Mikey Mike turn around. : Mikey : Ok : (they go back to Satan’s house) (at Satan’s house) : Jason : Alright you guys put some over there and I’ll put some over here. : The rest of them : Ok : (ten minutes later) : Jason : Yous done? : The rest of them : Yup : Jason : Come over here so we can detonate. : (they blow up Satan’s house) (Satan is sitting on the toilet taking a shit and looking at a playgirl magazine) : Satan : God damnit, they mess with me when I’m taking a shit. : Jason : What’s that music I hear? : Blazin : That’s Snoop Dogg, G. : Mikey : Oh shit that damn Mexican’s back. : Tamir : How we gonna get them to stop chasing us. : Jason : I got an idea, lets go to heaven. : The rest of them : Ok lets go. : (they drive to heaven in the stolen low-rider) (right before they get to heaven’s gate) : Satan : Alright now I’m pissed you interrupted my loving with Leonardo and then you blew up my house while I was taking a shit. : Jason : Move Lucy : Satan : Why the hell did you call me Lucy? : Jason : Well, its short for Lucifer and you’re a queer so your need a ladies name, Lucy. : Satan : Stop calling me that. : Jason : Ok…. Lucy : Tamir : Your names Lucy. Ha Ha : Satan : Leave me alone. : (Satan runs back to his blown up house) (they step out of the low-rider) : Jason : Hey that guard over there looks like a monk accept he gots wings. : Tamir : Maybe he’s one of those english guards that can’t move. : Blazin : Lets throw stuff at him, bizoch : Mikey : Anyones got pot. : Blazin : No, but I wanna get some. : (they start throwing stuff at St. Peters) : St. Peters : Ow, son of a bitch, someones throwing shit at me. : Jason : Look he’s raising some staff or something. : (zap!) (St. Peters just shot a lighting bolt at all of them) (they’re lying on the ground twitching) : Jason : Ow : Tamir : I think my neck snapped : Mikey : Wow, that was like smoking 10 joints at one time. : : Blazin : That son of a bitch messed up my Blazin Wear T-shirt. (looks at camera) That by the way you could own for just 12 easy payments of $21.99 if you call this number 1-800- … (gets cut off by Jason) : Jason : Who are you talking to? : Blazin : Shut your mouth, bizoch. : (Blazin walks up to St. Peters) : Blazin : Hey bizoch, you fucked up my Blazin Wear Shirt. : St. Peters : Who are you? : (Blazin punches St. Peters and knocks him out cold) : Blazin : I’m the Blazin Caucasian, Mo Fo. (to the rest of them) Come on we could get in now. : (they drive into heaven) : Jason : Hey I’m hungry. Anyone else? : Tamir : Yea : Blazin : Lets get some Mc Donalds. : : Jason : Ok : Mikey : Can we get pot too? : Tamir : Sure Mikey Mike sure. : Mikey : Yes! : (Jason, Tamir, and Mikey Mike enter a Mc Donalds) (there is a skinny white guy at the register that thinks he is Mr. T) : Whiteboy : Welcome to Mc Donalds may I take your order? : Jason : Your in heaven and your working in a Mc Donalds, damn you’re a loser. : Whiteboy : May I take your order? : Jason : Yes fag, can I have a big mac. : Whiteboy : Would you like fries with that? : Jason : No : Whiteboy : Sure? : Jason : Yes I’m sure. : : Whiteboy : I pity the fool that don’t get fries with their big mac. : Jason : Uh huh. : Tamir : Could I have a whopper? : Whiteboy : I’m sorry but this is a Mc Donalds not a Burger King we don’t serve that here. : Tamir : Oh sorry, then could I have whopper. : Whiteboy : Sir this is not a Burger King we don’t sell whoppers. : Tamir : Oh ok, I get it now, then instead of that can I have a whopper. : Whiteboy : Next : Tamir : But : Whiteboy : Next : Tamir : Damnit : Mikey : Can I have some pot please? : Jason : God, do you always have to talk about getting pot? : Mikey : Of course don’t we all. : Whiteboy : Alright can you people leave. : (they leave the store) : Tamir : Where’s Blazin? : Jason : Don’t know. : (they walk by the drive through and see Blazin standing there making an order) : Voice : Please sir leave the drive through now! : Blazin : But do you wanna buy a Blazin Wear T-shirt or not. : Voice : Please sir you’re holding up the cars. (a car beeps) : Blazin : Yes or no, bizoch. : Voice : No, now leave. : Blazin : Damn your don’t gotta be so fucking rude. (to himself) Damn, so close to making my first sale. : (they leave the Mc Donalds) : Jason : Now what should we do? : Mikey : Lets get some pot. : Tamir : Shut up Mikey Mike. : Mikey : Who the hell do you think you are, I don’t even know you and your all like shut up Mikey Mike, bizoch. : Blazin : Hey check it out, it’s a titty bar. : (within 2 seconds they all run to the front door) : Suge Knight : Hey you little bitch ass motherfuckers. : Jason : Hey, it’s a big scary black guy. : Tamir : You got something against black people. : Jason : Shut the hell up, nigger. : Mikey : Hey big black guy can I have some pot. : Suge : You got the money. : Mikey : Don’t get technical with me. I just want pot. : Blazin : (to Suge) You wanna buy a Blazin Wear T-shirt. : Suge : You stupid motherfuckers. : (Suge shoots Blazin in the knee cap and pushes Mikey and Tamir on the ground and starts kicking them, then Jason starts to run and runs into Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, and 2 Pac and they hit him over the head with a blackjack) (they wake up in the storage room in the titty bar) : Jason : My head hurts. : Blazin : So does mine. : Tamir : But you got shot in the kneecap. : Blazin : Shut up, bizoch : Mikey : (points to a black bag) Is that a body bag? : Jason : Yes it is. : (they open up the body bag) : Jason : Oh my god its Vanilla Ice. : Blazin : Who? : Tamir : The dorky white guy who thinks he’s black. : (they all look at Blazin) : : Blazin : Not me. : Jason : If we are in heaven how come Vanilla’s dead. : (Vanilla pops up) : Vanilla : I’m pretending. I just don’t want Suge Knight to beat the shit outta me again. : Jason : Damn, you really are a loser. : (they leave the storage room) (Mc Hammer walks up to them) : Tamir : Hey aren’t you… : Mc : (to himself) Yes, someone knows me. : Tamir : No, that was that other guy. : Mc : Damnit, I’m Mc Hammer. : Jason : Oh your that queer who lost all his money. : Mc : Hammer Time! (he starts to dance) : (Suge Knight walks in) : Suge : (to Mc Hammer) It’s your bitch ass again. : : Mc : Oh god no its Suge Knight. : (Mc Hammer starts to run but Suge shoots him in the back of his knee) : Vanilla : Oh god, he found me. Nooooooooo. : (Vanilla runs out of the storage room and Suge sees him) : Suge : (to Vanilla) Hey it’s the little faggy cracker. : Vanilla : Shit! : (Suge shoots Vanilla too) (Suge leaves the room and Mc Hammer and Vanilla Ice are left there in their own blood) : Jason : If this is a titty bar where’s the tits. : (Blazin opens a door and sees the naked girls) : Blazin : There they are. : (they sit down next to the stripping stage) : Jason : (to stripper 1) Hey baby, why don’t you come over hear so I can put this nickel down your G-string. : (Stripper 1 walks over to Jason) : Jason : Hey lovely. : Stripper 1 : Hey I know you. : Jason : You do? : Stripper 1 : Yea, didn’t you go to the playmate ball and you went to Yale too. Right? : Jason : Yea sure baby. Whatever you want. : Stripper 1 : Say something intelligent. : Jason : Something what? : Stripper 1 : Smart : Jason : As you can see by the differentially of the technicality of the theoretical proportions of the situation and… stuff. : Stripper 1 : Wow, what does that mean? : Jason : You’ll find out later. : Stripper 1 : Because you are so smart I’m gonna give you a free lap dance. : Jason : Sweet : (she gives him a lap dance) : Tamir : (in his head) That stupid line got Jason a free lap dance, man I gotta try that. : (Tamir goes up to Stripper 2) : Tamir : Hey baby you wanna hear something smart. : Stripper 2 : Sure : Tamir : As you can see by the bitch get back on your knees and suck my dick you little whore… wait… shit I fucked it up. : Stripper 2 : What! (Stripper 2 smacks Tamir) : Tamir : Yes, I think I just got some. : (the Mexican walks in) : Mexican : Hey, where are those little pussy that stole my car. : Jason : Shit! : Tamir : Where’s Mikey Mike and Blazin. : Jason : I don’t know. : Tamir : Lets escape out the bathroom window. : (they go into the bathroom) (Blazin and Mikey Mike are by the toilets throwing up and they are drunk) : Blazin : Damn I shouldn’t have had those 20 shots of vodka and 30 shots of whiskey. : Mikey : Damn I shouldn’t have had that sip of Zima. : : Jason : That Mexicans back so we’re splitting. : (Jason and Tamir get out the window and Blazin gets up and gets out the window then Mikey Mike gets up and stumbles then falls cause he is drunk, gets up and goes out the window) (they go in the low-rider and leave) : Jason : Hey Mikey Mike are you all right. (Mikey Mike is passed out cause he is drunk) Hey Mikey Mike I’m talking to you. : Tamir : He’s passed out. : Jason : Blazin, how much did he drink. : Blazin : Who are you? : Jason : Forget you fag. : Tamir : (to Blazin) How much did he drink? : Blazin : A sip of Zima. : Jason and Tamir : HaHa what a fag. : Jason : Why is that white lady raping that poor monkey? : Tamir : That’s not a white lady that’s Michael Jackson and Bobo his pet monkey. : Blazin : You sure, It looks like a white lady to me. : Tamir : I think it is. : Jason : (to Michael Jackson) Hey Michael Jackson what are you doing. : (Michael turns around) : Michael : (to Bobo) Oh god somebody caught us doing our naughty thing, come Bobo lets get outta here. (Michael leaves) : Jason : Technically there is no real difference between a white lady and Michael Jackson, right Tamir. : Tamir : Yea sure : Jason : Right Mikey Mike. : Mikey : Yes I would like some pot, thank you. : Jason : Right Blazin. : Blazin : What! Who the fuck are you, bizoch. : Jason : Blazin you die now. : Blazin : I’m already dead, asshole. : Jason : Shut up. : (Jason smacks Blazin upside his head) : Mikey : Where the fuck is my pot, you said you were gonna give me some pot but you didn’t. : Everyone : Shut the fuck up Mikey Mike. : Tamir : I’m tired lets go sleep, ok. : Everyone : Sure : (they go to a Motel 6) (in the Motel 6) : Jason : What’s that noise? : Tamir : I don’t know. : Mikey : Is it the sound of pot burning? : Jason : No, now shut up. : Blazin : I know what it is; it’s the sound of love, or a cheap one-night stand. : : Tamir : What the hell do you mean? : Blazin : It’s a bed squeaking some ones fucking in the other room. : Jason : Well I can’t sleep cause of them. I’m going to complain. : (Jason goes to the other room) (he knocks the door) (they open the door) : Jason : Son of a bitch, you’re keeping me up. Oh shit hey its you president Clin-ton. : Clinton : Oh hi, its you that kid who calls me Clin-ton. : Jason : You here with your wife? : Clinton : Ha, with my wife, you gotta be kidding. : Jason : Oh hi Monica. : Monica : Who are you? : Jason : So Clin-ton, what about your wife? : Clinton : Oh yea, I have to thank you. : Jason : Why? : Clinton : You freed my marriage. : Jason : How? : Clinton : Till death do us part. : Jason : Oh : Clinton : Ok, see ya, back to my business. : Jason : Oh yea, if yous make anymore noise I’ll come back and break your noses and legs, got that, Clin-ton. : Clinton : Yes sir. : (Jason goes back to his room) (they all go to sleep without any noise) (they get up and leave) : Jason : What we gonna do now. : Mikey : Get pot. : (they all stare at Mikey Mike then smack him) : Mikey : Ow, that hurt. : Tamir : Wanna buy a house up here. : Jason : Ok, but with what money. : Blazin : With the money we get for selling the pot I have stashed in the trunk. : Mikey : Pot! Can I have some? : Blazin : No! : Mikey : Okaaaaay : (they go and find an apartment for sale) (they find one) : Jason : We’re here to buy an apartment. : Spanish Lady : Hola : Jason : Oh god no. : SL : Hola : Jason : Alright bitch don’t make me hit you again. : SL : Hola : Jason : Damnit women, speak English, I know you can. : SL : Hola : Jason : Is that the only Spanish word you know? : SL : (to Tamir in a whisper) How do you say no in Spanish? : Tamir : I think its si. : SL : (to Tamir) Thanks (to Jason in normal voice) si : Jason : I knew it. : SL : Hola : Jason : Damnit, Tamir just get the pot out of the trunk and sell it to that old guy over there for our money to buy this apartment. : Tamir : Ok (he goes to the trunk) Its not here. : Blazin : What! Where is it? : (Mikey Mike stumbles) : Mikey : Damn that was some good pot. : Everyone : Damnit Mikey Mike : Mikey : What? I needed it bad. : SL : (to Jason) Hola : Jason : Shut up hoe. (he smacks her and lays her out) Dumb bitch. : (they leave) : Tamir : Stop! I think I know that guy. : (they stop and Tamir gets out of the car and talks to the guy) : Tamir : Are you the Russian President? : Russian President : Yes why? Oh its you the little black kid that helped me with my child-labor sweatshop. : Tamir : Yea that’s me. Do you have a sweatshop here? : RP : Yes : Tamir : How many kids do you got working there? : RP : #87 : Tamir : Wow 87 kids. : RP : No just #87. : Tamir : Oh yea the little Turkish boy. : RP : Yea (to #87) #87 come over here. : #87 : Crap : RP : Hey Tamir do you wanna whip him. : #87 : What! Oh no. : Tamir : Sure (RP gives Tamir a whip) : RP : 35 lashes : (Tamir whips #87) : #87 : Owwwww, my back. : Tamir : Sweet : (Tamir finishes whipping #87 and goes into the low-rider and they leave) : Jason : Hey I got a great idea. : Tamir : What? : Jason : Lets find Nicole and her dad and piss them off. : Tamir : Ok, but how we gonna find them. : (Jason pulls a phone book out of nowhere) : Tamir : Where did you get that from? : Jason : Shut up (to Blazin) Blazin, make a right. : Blazin : Whatever you say guy I don’t know. : Jason : There’s the house. : (they pull over and Jason gets out and goes to the door then Tamir gets out and hides in the bushes) (Jason rings the bell and whips it out) : Nicole’s Dad : I’m coming (he opens the door) Oh god no he’s back. : Jason : Hi, how’s it going? : Dad : Get away please, crap you got your dick out; it’s like dae ja vu. : Jason : Is Nicole here? : Dad : Why? : Jason : Bitch, get the fuck outta my way. : Dad : Ok, please don’t hurt me. : (Jason walks in and pushes Dad out the door and locks the door behind him) : Dad : Not again : (Jason walks into the living room and sees Nicole sitting there) : Jason : Hi Hoe : Nicole : What! Your back, please no. : Jason : Guess what. I need my dick sucked, women. : Nicole : Not again : Jason : You left me hanging. You killed yourself so you couldn’t suck my dick. : Nicole : I know, your point? : Jason : You can’t kill yourself now cause you’re already dead. So I want you to suck my luscious cock, Hoe. : Nicole : But I don’t want to. : Jason : Lets not go through with what we did last time so just suck my dick. : Nicole : Ok : Jason : Sweet : (Jason goes and closes the front window blind) : : Nicole : Why did you do that? : Jason : Because Tamir is gonna watch. : Nicole : How do you know? : Jason : I saw him go into the bush in front of your house with binoculars. : Nicole : Lets get this over with. : Jason : Sweet as hell. : (Jason finally gets his dick sucked by Nicole) : Jason : See it wasn’t bad, Hoe. : Nicole : You’re right. : Jason : I gotta go back to the car with Tamir and the Blazin Caucasian. : Nicole : Who’s the Blazin Caucasian? : Jason : Unfortanally you can not be told who the Blazin Caucasian is you have to see him for yourself. : (Blazin enters) : Blazin : The Blazin Caucasian’s up in the hizouse. (tilts to the side and raises the roof) : Nicole : Oh god there’s two of them. (Nicole passes out) : (they leave and get back in the low-rider and so does Tamir then they ride off) : Tamir : We gotta do something to piss Satan off again. : Jason : I got an idea. : Tamir : What is it? : Jason : Just go to God’s house. : (they go find God’s house) (they find it and pull over) : Music in Back round : La coca racha la coca racha : Jason : What’s that music? : Tamir : It sounds like Spanish shit. : Blazin : (singing) La coca racha la coca racha : Mikey : Shit! (to Blazin) Stop singing you fucking idiot. (to everyone) It’s that damn Mexican again. : Tamir : Lets get outta here. : (they drive off being chased by the Mexican) : (in the Mexican’s car) : Mexican : Hey Jose starts shooting at them. : Jose : Ok (he pulls out a gun and starts shooting) : Mexican : So mom one of those assholes punched you. : SL : Yes…. hola : Mexican : Now I have to kill them. : (back in the low-rider) : Jason : Shit their shooting at us…. Again : Blazin : Hey Jason louder that song. I like it. : Jason : What the hell did you just call me? : Blazin : Bizoch : Jason : No you called me Jason. : Blazin : Um no I said bizoch, bizoch. : Jason : Sure : (Blazin smacks Jason) : Blazin : I said bizoch. : Jason : You little son of a bitch, you hit me. : (Jason punches Blazin) : Blazin : Ow, just louder the song. : (Jason makes the song louder) : Blazin : (singing) Bling bling, when I come around the city bling bling. : Jason : (shuts off the radio) Alright that’s enough of this shit. : Blazin : Hey : Tamir : Look its my “friend” the Russian President. (to RP) Sup : RP : Hello : (Jose shoots the Russian President) : RP : Ow : : Tamir : Crap they shot the Russian guy. : (Tamir jumps out of the car and runs up to RP) : RP : You came to help me? : Tamir : No, I came to get your little slave so he can be mine. : (Tamir takes #87 and the whip) : (in the Mexican’s car) : SL : Run the little black one over. : Mexican : Ok : (in the low-rider) : Blazin : They’re gonna run over Tamir. : (to the Mexican) Hey look a Taco Bell. : Mexican : Where where (looks around and than crashes) : Jason : Tamir get in. : (Tamir gets in) : Jason : Mikey Mike go back to God’s house. : (they start to go back to God’s house) : (in the low-rider) : Tamir : Look what I got. : Jason : It’s a little Turkish kid, what’s its name? : #87 : Its Pablo and I’m Spanish. : Tamir : Shut up I didn’t say you could speak. (Tamir whips him) : Jason : Cool can I whip it. (Jason whips #87) : Blazin : My turn (Blazin whips #87) : Mikey : We’re here at God’s house again. Can I whip it? (Mikey Mike whips #87) : #87 : Owwwwwww : (they walk into God’s house) : Jason : Pretty small house for the creator of the universe. : Tamir : Lets see if God’s in this room. : (they open the door) : Jason : Oh Jesus Christ : : Jesus : What! I’m busy. (he’s getting his dick sucked by Hillary Clinton) : Tamir : It’s Clin-ton’s wife : Jason : What the hell Clin-ton’s wife, what are you doing. : (Hillary mumbles) : Jesus : Don’t talk with your mouth full, women. : (Hillary mumbles again) : Jason : Bitch, he said less talking, more sucking, women : (Hillary stops sucking and Jesus zips up) : Hillary : Bill’s not the only one who can sleep around. : Tamir : Damn I always thought Jesus was black. : Jason : That’s cause you’re a stupid nigger, Tamir. : Tamir : Hey : Jason : Jesus, where’s your dad. : Jesus : He’s up stairs and who are you. : : Blazin : I’m the Blazin Caucasian the maker of Blazin Wear, would you like to buy a Blazin Wear T-shirt. Its normally $25 but since your are Jesus I’ll make an offer for you, we’ll say about 20….. hundred dollars. : Jesus : No, now get out I’m trying to cum, damnit. : (they leave the room and go up stairs) : Jason : I guess this is God’s room. : Blazin : (Sarcastically) What made you think that, the sign on the door that says God’s room. : Jason : You know Blazin you’re really pissing me off. : Blazin : (Sarcastically) Oh no, its big bad Jason, what you gonna do hurt me, you bizoch. : Jason : Alright you’re on my last nerve. : Blazin : Oh no, I’m really scared. (Jason knocks Blazin out cold) : Jason : Stupid hoe : (they walk into God’s room) : Tamir : Oh my God, God’s a girl. : (God walks in) : God : No stupid children, that’s just the maid. : Jason : So God, how about we have a little talk. : God : Ok, but drop that knife you’re holding behind your back. : Jason : Jesus Christ! : Jesus : (from down stairs) What damnit I said I was busy. : (Jason and God go into the next room to talk) : God : So you’re here cause you wanna be God, right. : Jason : How did you know that? : God : I’m God remember. : Jason : Oh yea : God : Well you came at the right time. : Jason : Really : God : Yes, every time the universe ends God has to pick someone else to be God, and Jason I think you should be the next God. : : Jason : Sweet as hell : (God makes Jason God and himself a human) : “God” : Well its back to being good old Bob again, see ya God (he leaves) : Jason/God : Sweet I’m God. : (Jason goes back into the room with Tamir and Mikey Mike in it) : Tamir : Hey Jason why did God just leave. : Jason : Silence, you pitiful fool, I am god. : Mikey : Cool can you get me pot? : Jason : I could, but than again I don’t like you. : Mikey : Damn : Tamir : How are we gonna piss off Satan again. : Jason : I don’t know. : Tamir : What do you mean you don’t know, you’re God. : Jason : Shut up hoe (Jason smacks him into a wall) : Tamir : Ow : (Blazin walks in) : Blazin : I got an idea. : Mikey : Where did you come from? : Blazin : Your mother’s cunt : Mikey : Hey : Blazin : As I was saying, I got an idea. : Jason : What is it? : Blazin : Get that guy Chef from South Park to come here, he always got ideas. : Jason : But he’s a cartoon. : Blazin : And you’re God. : (Jason makes Chef appear) : Chef : What the hell where am I? : Jason : I’m God and I need your help. : Chef : You do know I am a cartoon, right? : Blazin : That’s what I told him but he didn’t wanna listen. : Jason : (to Blazin) Shut up (to Chef) Can you think of a way I can piss off Satan? : Chef : I just might have a song for that. : Tamir : Sing it : Chef : I’m gonna make love to your woman. I’m gonna lay her down by the fire. I’m gonna caress her womanly body and make her moan and perspire. I’m gonna make love, make love, love love love love. Baby! : Tamir : That song had nothing to do with what we just asked you. : Jason : That song gave me an idea. I’m gonna start a war with Satan. : Tamir : Where did you get that out of that song? : Jason : Silence, human (Jason smacks him again) : Tamir : Ow, stop hitting me. : Jason : Oh, you want me to stop hitting you, okaaay. : (Jason repeatedly smacks Tamir in the head) : Chef : (to Mikey Mike) I can leave now right? : Mikey : You could unless yous gots pot. : Chef : I don’t : Mikey : Than leave! : (Chef leaves) : Jason : Lets go start a war with Satan. : (they go to hell) (in hell) : Jason : Satan get out here. : Satan : (to himself) Shit its God. : Jason : Now damnit : Satan : I paid you last week and the deal we had says you gotta leave me alone till next weeks pay day. : Jason : Damnit Lucy, I said now. : Satan : (to himself) Shit its Jason. : (Satan gets out of his new apartment) : Jason : Lucy I decided to have a war with you. : Satan : How come you’re acting like God? : Jason : Cause I am God now. : Satan : Yea right : Jason : Watch : (Jason picks #87 up with his mind and throws him into a wall) : #87 : (to himself) Ow, how come this has to happen to me. : Satan : Shit : Jason : Come on Lucy, you gonna fight? : Satan : No, I quit being Satan. I’m going to that gay bar down the street. : (Satan leaves) : Jason : That was easy. : Mikey : Yes it was, can I have pot. : Jason : Tamir you can be the new Satan. : Tamir : Sweet : Blazin : What about me : Jason : You can be St. Blazin. : Blazin : Phat : #87 : What about me : Tamir : I said you can’t speak remember. (Tamir whips him) : Jason : Lets go back to heaven. : (Back in heaven) : Jason : As the new God I will make a new Earth. : Narrator : In the beginning Jason created the Earth, he took 3 years to do this (cause he is an idiot). He put many beautiful women on this earth. He put other humans such as Hitler and Sadom Hussain back on the Earth. Then Jason said “Let there be Nudity” and all the hot women were naked. Jason made a couple of Commandments. Two Commandments said all hot women must be nude at all time and Jason must fuck them. : Narrator : So we end the Lesbian Seagull series on a good note. JASON IS GOD! : Jason : Something’s missing. : Tamir : Yea but what : (John enters from nowhere) : : John : Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo : Jason : What was that for and where did you come from? : John : It’s my catch phrase and you can’t have a Lesbian Seagull without it. : Jason : Oh ok, but where did you come from. : (Mikey Mike and Blazin walk in) : Mikey : Damnit I thought I asked for pot. : Everyone : Shut up Mikey Mike. : The End : Jason : Don’t end the movie yet John didn’t answer where he came from. : (the screen goes black and credits role) : Jason : Damit!!!!!! : The Real End : : Lesbian Seagull 4 : (Less talking, More SUCKING) : By Jason : : A Blazin Caucasian Production : : CAST : Jason : Tamir : Blazin Caucasian : Mikey Mike : God : Jesus : St. Peters : Skinny Whiteboy who thinks he is Mr. T : Suge Knight : Dr. Dre : Snoop Dogg : 2 Pac : Vanilla Ice : Mc Hammer : Stripper 1 : Stripper 2 : Mexican Guy : Michael Jackson and his pet monkey Bobo : President Clin-ton : Monica Lewinskie : The Spanish Lady : The Russian President : #87 : Nicole’s Dad : Nicole : Jose (Mexican Guy’s friend) : Hillary Clin-ton : Chef

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