'The Goon Show' rules!

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: Not that a typical fan of that show speaks that way, heh. : : (Imagines a bunch of stuffy Brits doing Arsenio Hall-style "Woof! Woof!" hand twirls and shouting "Word up!" whenever Neddy steals the show) : : Today the great Spike Milligan passed away, aged 83. He redefined sketch comedy as we know it, and without him, we would have had no Peter Sellers, or Monty Python, or anything influenced by the above. : : He wasn't just a comedian, but also a poet and had a wonderful persoanlity. To know him was to love him. : : Anyway, here's a selection of his quotes... : : Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy. : : Spike was wearing a kilt and an onlooker said to him "So, is there anything worn under the kilt ?" To which Spike replied "No, it's all in working order." : : Spike Milligan: "How are you at Mathematics?". : : Harry Secombe: "I speak it like a native". : : I saw a little elephant standing in my garden, : : I said 'You don't belong in here', he said 'I beg you pardon?', : : I said 'This place is England, what are you doing here?', : : He said 'Ah, then I must be lost' and then 'Oh dear, oh dear'. : : : : 'I should be back in Africa, on Saranghetti's Plain', : : 'Pray, where is the nearest station where I can catch a train?'. : : He caught the bus to Finchley and then to Mincing lane, : : And over the Embankment, where he got lost, again. : : : : The police they put him in a cell, but it was far too small, : : So they tied him to a lampost and he slept against the wall. : : But as the policemen lay sleeping by the twinkling light of dawn, : : The lampost and the wall were there, but the elephant was gone! : : : : So if you see an elephant, in a Jumbo Jet, : : You can be sure that Africa's the place he's trying to get! : : : : Describe yourself in three words. : : Pretty damn good. : : Fame - good or evil? : : It can attack the ego and destroy you. : : Do you think you're sexy? : : I was. I went off the boil at 50. : : Which living person do you most admire? : : Muhammad Ali. : : Who would you most like to wake up next to? : : Shirley Maclaine, preferably on my leg-over side. : : What, or who, is the greatest love of your life? : : Maria Antoinette Pontani, an Italian prima ballerina I met in Rome immediately after the war. : : What topic would you never discuss over dinner? : : Elephants. : : What's the one item you're never caught without? : : A bottle of Penfold's Grange Hermitage. [A premium Australian red wine.] : : What do you think is the most overrated virtue? : : Large families. : : The most underrated? : : Hospice care. : : What is your greatest achievement? : : Making people laugh. : : And your most embarrassing moment? : : I'm still waiting for it to happen. : : If you could do anything other than your career, what would it be? : : Archaeology. : : Where are you most likely to be found at 8pm - and doing what? : : Eating dinner and drinking a bottle of red wine. : : Do you have a motto? : : Straight on. : : Any regrets? : : Yes. Agreeing to answer this questionnaire. : : Finish this sentence: If I ruled the world ... : : I'd surrender.

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