Posted by Virgo at 12-230-44-232.client.attbi.com on May 02, 2002 at 00:48:57:
I appreciate your kind words. I figured I'd post this up here too.
So, so so SO much.
My mom and dad had me at an early age and never got married. He was a severe alcoholic. They broke up when I was really young, but he had been in my life up until a few years ago when he moved to Seattle (about 400 miles from here.) Last time I saw him was two summers ago when I went on a family trip with my mom and my step-dad. He promised my mom that he wouldn't drink while I was there - but he did. I couldn't handle it, so I left. I haven't seen him since.
I don't want to condone or justify suicide, however.. My dad was a lonely man. He was miserable with alcohol, he was miserable without it. He had family - but not much. And he tried to stay away from his family to make them happy. So he wouldn't hurt them. He's tried suicide before. He was recently diagnosed with Bi-Polar disease and manic depression. I've known for a long time that he wouldn't live a long life. I loved him very much though. I'm scared that he may not have known that when he left this world, because of my leaving last time I saw him because he was drunk.
He was an incredibly talented poet, and I'd like to share one of his poems with everyone. His alcoholism has left and impact on me, and has seeded my hatred for alcohol. He wrote this in rehab:
Alone In A Crowd
I'm alone, I'm hurt, I'm Angry and scared.
All around me, this feeling is shared.
The people I meet and see everyday
are just like me in a twisted sort of way.
Red, yellow, brown, black and white
different in color yet the same in sight.
Thrown in together, we're the worst of the worst
with the drugs of our choice always coming first.
The people outside who try and understand
don't even come close unless they've been there first hand.
We promise we'll quit and never do it again,
only to wake up worse than we've ever been.
If we're lucky, we find something left in the jug,
a jolt in the cotton or a rock in the rug.
Once our heads clear, we sit and we think
"How in the hell can I get my next drink?"
There has to be a better way!
I've been in treatment about 70 days
half of which was spent in a daze.
Although now I caneat and sleep through the night
I still get an urge, that I constantly fight.
Now with my family by my side,
I know in my heart that I don't have to hide.
When I feel like I'm slipping, I don't have to fall
The first thing I'll do is give them a call.
(c) Missy narrance 2002
Please.. Don't use this as your own.. Unfortunatly, he didn't go by what he says in his poem. Alcoholism is a terrible disease.
Don't let it ruin you... Please.