Posted by Hov at proxy.caris.com on May 21, 2002 at 10:40:14:
In Reply to: Need some feedback on my novel posted by The Bastard (ebas420) on May 21, 2002 at 10:35:14:
: So as some or all of you know, when you're writing a book, you have to grab the reader on the first page. These next two paragraphs are the first two paragraphs in my second book. PLease read it and tell me what you think. I welcome criticism as it is helpful, say what you will as long it's constructive. Thank you in advance for your time.
: The big question I'd liek you all to answer: If you read these next two paragraphs on the first page of a book, would you want to read more?
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: If Daniel Rimms had known what the coming days and weeks had in store, he would have hung himself to avoid the pain. If he'd known of the violence and loss that loomed on the horizon, he could have taken steps to avoid it. But he didn't know, and in his search for the truth, he stepped into his fate...however terrible it might be.
: He did know the station wagon was still there, parked across the street, half a block down. Was he about to be shot? Arrested perhaps? Daniel hoped it was nothing more than a coincidence and his paranoia, but inside he knew better.
reveals too much too fast.....I immediately think....wonderful another mystery science fiction type novel.....The first paragraph was pretty good...actually one of the better first paragraphs I have read as of late..but the second paragraph gave me a "Hardy Boys" feeling.....Now depending on what type of audience you are targetignt his could be a good thing or a bad thing.......
-completely honest first impression opinion....take it for whatever you want. If you wanted someone to read you book and give forth opinions, I'd be happy too....
Hov