Posted by Raikus at cas01.mkethn01.fl.comcast.net on May 23, 2002 at 14:44:21:
Alright. Basically the world's going to Hell. No one can argue with that (especially the day after Celebrity Boxing 2) so get your bets placed on pegging the Antichrist. Here's the top contenders:
David Blane (Odds 2-1)
The sure favorite with his powers of levitation and telepathy. Could he be the next stage in human evolution or the Master of All Evil?
Bill Gates (Odds 5-2)
Sure he will rule the world within a few years, but is he just an ultra-rick, techy-geek or the heralder of the apocalypse?
Martha Stewart (Odds 10-1)
Yes she's malicious. Of course she can run over her gardeners without an afterthought. She says "doily" just like you'd envision Satan would, but could she possibly be the Prince(ss) of Darkness?
George W. Bush (Odds 20-1)
If your a Democrat then you've probably already made up your mind. But would a figure of such prodominance house the essence of Mephisto?
Sam Donaldson (Odds 25-1)
He's got the look, but has remained dormant behind his news desk for decades. With his increase in spare time, will he remember his mission and begin his rule of the earth?
Jesse Jackson (Odds 50-1)
Could Jesse BE the great decIEver? Could he boycot the HALLS of the most HEAVENly? Whatever the case, he would be driving a Toyota.
Ralph Macchio (Odds 100-1)
The long shot, but one must ask themselves, what has he been doing all this time. After witnessing his power in Karate Kid, could his One-Leg Pier Kick spell disaster for this world.
Voting is open until the first trumpet blows.