Posted by Ezekial24 at 1cust117.tnt5.syd4.da.uu.net on July 08, 2002 at 04:01:02:
In Reply to: MY SCRIPT! PLEASE OFFER CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM! posted by kinghippo on July 07, 2002 at 20:51:48:
: Thanks for the guy that helped me on the last page, I'll fix some of that stuff in my rewrite. I'm posting again, because the old board ended kinda quickly after I posted. Thanks.
No problem.
Here's a little more advice:
1) While writing a sequel to one of your favorite films is a very good practice exercise because:
a) You can see if you can actually finish a script (this is hard for everyone no joke)
b) It uses characters you don't have to waste time explaining, and you can just jump in for a quick start.
c) Because it's not your franchise/creations you don't stress out as much about every mistake you make and instead of "Icing" over a single piece of dialogue you just have fun.
You'll find if you do this without a care in the world, your creative and stress free subconcious will actually spit out a few good bits of dialogue amongst the crap (most of it will be crap normally, yet this is the trademark of sequels most of the time)
Then you can transport any good dialogue into your OWN script (like Guilty Conscience) and if there happen to be some quirky situations in the "sequel-practise" script you feel is good, you can transport them to your own script and have them happen to your own characters.
Also, alot of people are being harsh, but unfortunately critics will be harsher and people who read newspapers listen to them, so in a way it's better to get negative responses on the net where you are anonymous, rather than in real life where your real name and reputation is used(unless you do an Alan Smithee), yet it's understandable harsh comments are going to hurt because this is something you created and is a reflection of yourself, if people call it shit, they are calling you shit, and that hurts.
So "Ice" over the script, really fucking work it down to every detail, if a character is walking along the sidewalk and steps in shit:
a) Who put the shit there?
b) What kind of shoes does he have?
c) How do people around him react to this?
d) How does he react to it?
e) Where is he going?
f) Where has he come from?
Now you may say ... who gives a shit where he has been or who put the shit there, none of that stuff is going to be in the film?
And that's right, but if you spend 2 seconds (not too much time or you'll get seriously sidetracked) you can give the actor proper motivation as well as flesh him out in your own mind which you may decide your so happy with that you implement it in the script, and ALSO the big one you set up a sub-story and/or a linkage for another film ... example:
Q a) Who put the shit there?
A a) A dog, after it was kicked out of a dingy 1 hour motel by Kasad after he slept with a whore or assasinated someone while they were sleeping with a whore or killed a whore (Affleck style .. j/k) or made a drug deal or collected money from his prostitutes (if he pimps) etc etc
That's just an example, Kasad is your character I don't know what he's like, you may prefer to make it another character ... but you catch my drift? EVERY little detail fleshes out your script and then in re-writes you can trim the fat and shit you don't need.
The possibilities are endless if you just "Ice", attention to detail, every detail.
BTW it'd be a good idea to change the Lamborgini to a Ford for a few reasons:
1) Ford's have their engines in the front, unlike Lamborgini's, which means you can shoot someone in the passanger seat without the car blowing up.
2) Critical Reason : Ford parts are dirt cheap and scrap yards are full of Ford parts, which means you basically build this car really cheap and have MIKE and his friend torch the car with the body in it ... burning cars always look great on film - then you can have them go to a 7/11 or some shit and get a slurpee and their proper car the Lamborg (if you honestly want it in the film ... and who doesn't) parked outside the 7/11.
+ Shit like Lamborg's etc you may be able to use for an hour if you get to know a delaership really well, ofcourse you'll be limited to only having it parked, always keep it clean (no blood anywhere near it!) and having the supervisor of the dealership present.
But hey 15 seconds of Lamborgini time isn't that bad, + you only have to see it ONCE because everywhere MIKE and his friend goes after that the audience will know there are using the Lamborg (cutting costs everywhere and trimming fat off the script)
3) It's more practical to use standard cars that DON'T attract attention for crimes, that's why in real life when people kidnap and do drive by's they use cars that "blend in" with the rest of the traffic (white vans, popular model sedans etc no Mercedes Benz S-Class or Ferarri's etc etc, you wouldn't dirty up a car this fine anyway, regardless of reward).
And my final piece of advice (phew) ... go watch some films which are masterpieces and learn to appreciate every aspect of them, it will make you a better writer, cinematographer, director etc etc, here are a few examples:
- Seven Samurai by Akira Kurisawa
- Full Metal Jacket by Stanley Kubrick
- Strangers on a Train by Alfred Hitchcock
These films are just a few examples of fine pieces of filmmaking by some of cinema's greatest contributors.
Take care man, you can do it, just "Ice" and plan ahead. ;)
-Zeke