Posted by Chronically Blunt at outboundhost203.mbusanet.com on November 12, 2002 at 10:38:35:
In Reply to: Advice posted by Jim Shady on November 12, 2002 at 10:26:33:
: : So naturally, being that I love the girl, I tell her that it isn't in her best interest, and I would prefer she didn't, assosciate with him.
: "Not in her best interest" - more like "not in your best interest". If she's friends with him, your opinion isn't going to sway her. She needs evidence, not hearsay.
Well, I'd rather she learned before it was too late. But there isn't much I can do about that - my realization.
: : And, as the normal course goes, she says I'm being possessive, they're just friends and that she doesn't see why she can't hang out with him.
: You are being possessive, and she's right. The fact that she may end up hurt and bruised by her encounter is something you can hold over her at a later date.
I don't like to think of it being possesive. I'm on very good terms with many of her male friends. But I know what kind of trouble this guy has been in before, and seen what has happened to the people he is around. If this were a complete stranger I didn't know, I'd be much more open to it.
: : Consequently, a girl that I used to coach, is going to be in town this weekend, and I told her that I would meet her for dinner. Now, this girl is 19, and I've known her since she was 10. I'm 24. So my girlfriend insists that these two situations are parallel, which I obviously say they are not.
: They're completely different, unless you're only meeting this girl out of revenge for your girl meeting this chap.
Nope. I've had this in the works for six weeks. However, I do know this girl has feelings for me, but I would never abuse that knowledge.
: : So my question is, which of the following roads do I take.
: : A. Leave it alone, and take the chance that she gets hurt.
: The one and only correct answer. You've said your piece, and if she chooses to ignore you, that's her lookout. You've done all a friend can do.
And I've made it a point to try to be her friend as well as a boyfriend. And I will probably choose this option.
: : B. Give her an ultimatum and forbid her from seeing him.
: She'll tell you to fuck right off.
Perhaps, but she trusts me and if I push this issue, she might just figure I know what I'm talking about. But I won't pursue this. I don't like the guilt assosciated with it.
: : C. Just beat the ever loving shit out of him, and hope that ends it.
: That would prove her assertion that you're being possessive, and would also add violent to that, which can't be a good thing.
Yeah....but it would be so much fun.
: Many people need to learn for themselves - they won't just take your word for it. Leave it alone and hope for the best - if she gets hurt, you'll be able to help her without judgement or prejudice, but safe in the knowledge that if she'd listened to you, she'd have been okay.
I hate saying I told you so. But the only thing I hate worse than that is seeing her cry. And that's what I'm really trying to avoid.
: Jim
Thanks Jim!
Peas