Posted by Duffless at hide101.suffolk.edu on December 02, 2002 at 12:50:52:
In Reply to: Your weekend sucked? posted by Snip, the magic carpet rider! on December 02, 2002 at 12:43:19:
at least I didn't have lunch yet...way too descriptive!
: Your weekend? You want to hear about MY weekend escapades???
: I'm whacking off on Sunday morning, customary for that time of day, when suddenly I fell subject to a rather unpleasant nuisance. The money shot missed the toilet bowl! “Simple enough,” I thought to myself. I ripped a few sheets of toilet paper from the almost-barren roll, and wiped the mysterious goo off of the toilet seat. While I was bent over cleaning, however, I got some more on my pants!
: OH NO! What to do!
: At this point, I was almost out of options, due to the infinitesimal amount of toilet paper left on the roll. My options were to A) wipe it on the inside of my shirt, or B) use the LAST of the toilet paper. THAT was a simple choice. I took the last 3 squares of toilet paper off of the roll and wiped the Yuck off of my pants. WHEW! The tragedy was averted!
: Not a moment later, I noticed there was a LONG string of spunk swaying from the tip of my manhood; this string of man juice was so long that it, during the course of its undulation, got stuck to some leg hairs beside my knee. FUCK. There was NO toilet paper left. NOW what was I supposed to do? I had to find something to wipe the jizz off. “AH HAH!” I thought to myself, as I realized I could just use the empty reel from the toilet paper! I ran the empty tube of T.P. up my leg, being careful to catch every last drop of Wonderful, spanning from my knee all the way up to my dork.
: Just as I thought the entire catastrophe had been avoided, the empty roll got STUCK ON THE HEAD of my little monster. The love juice had LITERALLY cemented this foreign object to MY ding-a-ling. I tried, very carefully, to coax the cardboard cylinder from my penis, but to no avail. I tugged it repeatedly -- harder and harder until I realized that there was simply no way to detach the cursed cardboard from my groin. The (not so) mysterious goo had proven itself to be stronger than my desire to live without a cardboard tube affixed to my rod. Feeling entirely dejected, I situated the cardboard cylinder beneath my boxer shorts, zipped up, and flushed.
: On my way out of the bathroom, I stopped to check my hair in the mirror and noticed that the result of this freak accident was what would appear to be a GIGANTIC schlong! I was so impressed, in fact, that I’m STILL wearing this “manhood enhancer”; and let me tell you -- the women are FLOCKING!
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: Let the E-Flogging begin!!!!! Hopefully an internet beatin' will raise your spirits.