Posted by TangoMania at spider-mtc-td061.proxy.aol.com on February 08, 2003 at 15:50:35:
Gus Van Sant’s brilliant vision of Alfred Hitchcok’s vision of horror
Once every hundred years a movie comes along that changes the way we look at the world. During the civil war, the movies of that era brought together the soldiers as
they realized the futility of the battle they were fighting. "Down Home", the film that united a broken country and made Abe Lincoln free the slaves, was the first
defining movie of our culture. Today, I have witnessed the second.
Gus Van Sant took a huge risk when he decided he was going to delve into the brain of Hitchcock and claim his ideas and shots as his own. But the experiment works,
taking a slightly scary movie and making it the most frightening, intense vision of horror seen this side of "Even Cowgirls Get the Blues". The color makes this movie
crackle, and the updates (making $4,000 into $400,000) are pure genius. Who could have thought up these changes? Not me. But that’s why I’m homeless, I suppose,
and why Gus Van Sant and Brian Grazer run hollywood with an iron spoon. One of the major changes in the film touched me deeply. While Norman Bates spies on
Marion Crane he begins touching himself and moaning, something that pansy ass Hitchcock would never have though of.
As Vince Vaughn undid his pants and explored his manhood, something about the reality of the scene made me weep. Seeing it in color gave it that added push (when
masturbation is portrayed in black and white it is not realistic) and I knew what I had to do. Against my girlfriend’s wishes and to the dismay of the small child next to
me, I slid my hand down my pants and connected with what I saw on screen. Together we were one, Norman Bates and I, as we spied on Marion Crane together. We
tugged and pulled and I blocked out my girlfriends tears and the small child’s confusion. I ignored the questions from the small child: There was no time to explain. I was
having a moment. I was lost in a vision of truth so piercing that my body could not contain itself.
Never before have I been so close to someone’s madness. Gus Van Sant is a genius. After I was done I explained to the child what had happened and he left for the
bathroom with a smile on his face. My girlfriend began to be turned on and we made love and broke an arm rest ($20) Gus Van Sant is the most creative person on this
earth except for God because God created Gus Van Sant. After seeing this movie I am not sure who would win in a fight between Gus Van Sant and God, but I know
who I’d rather have over for a dinner party. Gus Van Sant! I would invite him over and we would eat hot dogs and discuss how he thought up the masturbation scene.
Wow!
I recommend that everyone sees this movie at least three times and never sees the Hitchcock version again. Also, rent a Brian De Palma movie because he is a genius
as well. Hitchcock is nothing compared to these two visionaries and just rips them off. Watch their movies and look at the sameness of them. Hitchcock is a thief. I
know Van Sant is planning on making USHERS (color remake of Clerks) and a color shot for shot remake of Schindler’s List starring William H. Macy. I am excited at
both of these prospects, even more so after today. Gus Van Sant can do anything he want. I also heard he is doing a color shot for shot remake of the 1902 classic "A
Trip to the Moon." This is exciting news as well. That film is outdated and would benefit from ILM’s special effects. I will see that movie.
In closing, go see Psycho tomorrow and support Van Sant’s experiment. If you don’t that would be a tragedy for Van Sant and he might have to stop making movies.
That would be bad so see this movie twice and tell your friends and family to see it. Take little kids and tell them it’s not a movie. Tell them it’s real. If they say it’s just
a bastardization of Hitchcock well, they’re wrong, and show them this review as proof. Color remakes forever. Who needs black and white?