These are too funny! Thanks! *nt*

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Posted by ElfGirl at on March 17, 2003 at 17:18:18:

In Reply to: The Best of Homer. posted by Trent Reno on March 17, 2003 at 17:16:05:

: "Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs."
: "Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
: "You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine."
: "Marge, don't discourage the boy Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals Except the weasel."
: "If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers."
: "To alcohol The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems"
: "I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'"
: "I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, 'cover for me.' Number two, 'oh,good idea, boss.' Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.'"
: "Ma rge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda."
: "Step aside everyone Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'"
: "Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night."
: "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."
: "Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."
: "Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."
: "Stealing How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain whats-his-name?
: "We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laug hin', did you?"
: "Television - teacher, mother, secret lover"
: "Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, 'you're making a scene.'"

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