Posted by Bob301 at dialup-64.154.141.24.dial1.phoenix1.level3.net on March 31, 2003 at 05:02:15:
My day started off bad, and just got worse. The cat woke me up at 6 this morning with it's incessant crowing. I told my roommate raising a kitten with all those hens around was gonna screw it up. I took a shower, and tried to head out the door, but it was just a wall pretending to be a door. I did make it outside, but it took some pretty good rockclimbing skills and an open window.
I headed off into th park first, because i like to get in and out before there's enough light to see the pollution in the air. As I walked under the trees, though, I stumbled through some Poison Ivy, and somehow contracted Dutch Elm disease. I was preety confused by this one, being neither a tree, nor Dutch. Added to my athletes foot, I was itching pretty badly. I decided to run by the free clinic next, to maybe pickup some anti-itch cream. Of course, I had to tell them I had herpes to get any kind of service.
The tube of cream said to apply hourly, so I put the first dose on before I left the clinic. I hopped the A-train to downtown, and set off to hit up the adult book store. On m way, I got sidetracked. A guy with a stocking came out of the bank with a large bag, and asked if I'd like to share a cab. I was running a bit low on cash, and not looking forward to a 5 block walk to the porn shop, so I agreed.
As soon as we got into the cab, though, the guy in the stocking pulled out a gun and ordered the driver to go the other way. I tried to tell him I was going the other way, but he just pistolwhipped me, so I shut up.
A few blocks from the bank, we ran into a roadblock. The guy in the stocking shoved his bag into my hands, pushed me out the door, and told the cabbie to turn around. Of course, the police converged on me, giving him time to escape. As the attack dogs went for my genitals, I remember thinking that this was the worst walk ever, then I blacked out.
I wont tell you about my time in the cell, or the rather forceful exploits of my frisky cellmate, but I will say that I walked with a bit of a limp for a good long while.
I never made it to the porn shop that day, but I did get a nice orange jumpsuit, because the cops somehow lost all my stuff hen they booked me. I was arrested again on my way home, because I had to walk by an elementary school and the DARE cop just wasn't meeting his quota at the school, at I had to reapply the itch cream every hour, on the hour. There was some confusion, and I had to register as a sex offender, but I eventually got home.
OK, this story sucked. I think I need more sleep. And, I haven't had a Dew in over a week. I'm trying to quit cold Dew, bit it's just so Dewing hard. It's like I have the Dew on my Dew brain. Everywhere I Dew look, I see Dew. It's Dew becming quite a Dewing annoyance. I just crave that Mountain Dew.
Sorry again. I'll end this now, before I get on anyone's Dewlist.
Crap, did it again.