Posted by benwa at nr10-66-161-188-146.fuse.net on April 09, 2003 at 14:10:00:
In Reply to: After being typecast, Dumbo enters porn industry posted by benwa on April 09, 2003 at 13:34:45:
After being typecast, Dumbo enters porn industry!
The lovable child actor, Pete Pachaderm, known for his role as the adorable Dumbo has recently made headlines again. He has fallen into the same pitfalls as many child actors before. The horrors of being typecast.
Unable to find work as a serious actor, he is forced into the whirlwind of the porn industry, where few escape. His love has always been acting, but in a recent interview he admits, "How many roles can an elephant with huge fucking ears have." After thouroughly enjoying the limelight, his lifestyle has gotten the better of him. "They let me in all the clubs, didn't matter if I was underage, they just wanted a star in their club. People offer you drinks. Pretty soon fuckers were giving me coke. Just throwing it at me. Do you have any idea how much coke it takes to feed an addicted elephant. Christ, my nose is ten feet long!" Indeed, he developed a coke habit that was $500,000 a day. His girth and "my huge fucking nose" played a big role.
"The chicks use to love me. Ah... he's so cute! They'd want to rub my ears, and shit I'd let 'em. I had a crew to end all crews: women, money, booze and drugs. Hell the cops wouldn't even touch me. All I'd have to do is give them an autograph for their kids and I was golden."
Jonathan "Cackles" Crow, the actor who portrayed one of the crows in Dumbo expressed his concerns early on. "This mother fuker was a crazy mother fucker. Mother fucking drugs all the mother fuckin time. That big mother fucking nose was like a mother fuckin vacuum cleaner. Mother fucker could clear a kilo in one snort. In the 70's I said, Mother fucker ya'll got a mother fucking problem. Shit this mother fucker was like 'I don't got shit but a runny nose.' There just ain't no mother fuckin reasoning with some mother fuckers. Mother fuck!"
Mother fuck, indeed. Pete was spiralling down. His fleet of cars and mansion was being repossesed. His earnings was going completely up his nose. Even the large royalty checks couldn't cover it. He was now a lonely addicted elephant on the streets.
So he turned to the industry which turns away few. The porn industry. Pete explains, "Hell, I have a secured seat in the porna arena. Familiar face with a huge dick. I can even use my nose as another appendage. I'm set. I'm even working on a sponsorship from Trojan." But upon talking to trojan, this sounds unlikely. It is most likely he will have to continue to use garbage bags and duct tape for protection.
The tale of Pete Pachederm is a sad one indeed. A child actor, lost to the woes of fame. An all to common tale. Perhaps the final words of Pete's good friend Jonathan "Cackles" Crow best sum up this reporters thoughts. "Mother fuk, Mother fuck it all!"