Posted by Simplefan_nothing more at res099111.halls.colostate.edu on June 02, 2003 at 01:17:50:
Dear Kevin Smith,
I'm a fan of your films. I was inspired by Clerks to become a filmmaker (like many). If you could do this, then why couldn't an average joe like myself, right? I noticed you mentioned that your father died today. I'm so sorry man. In a time like this, it's stupid to say "I understand how you must feel." Nobody does. Only you do. But I can share with you my own experience and maybe we can learn together about life and death. My father committed suicide three years ago. At the time it happened, it didn't phase me much. My father was an s.o.b. who treated my mother and I badly. He was from Hungary and brought this nasty East European anti-semetic, anti-women crap with him to the US. Alot of people suffered because when he was around and, in the end, he felt sorry for himself that nobody wanted to be around him. Like I said, i didn't grieve his loss. but the weird thing is that it did affect me. He was still my dad, and now he was dead. No more chance to talk to him, no chance to tell him off. So how did it affect me? Well, i realized a few years later that my dad had always been dead to me. I spent my whole life grieving him and I never knew it until he died. He never was around and he never spent time with me. He never showed me how to be a man. All he did was criticize me and use me as a whipping post from time to time to vent his own insecurity. I guess what I am trying to say is that the only way I can remember my dad is in his death. Why? because while he lived, he made me and my mom suffer terribly. BUT, it sounds like you had a really cool dad. So try to remember him not in death, but in life. And the cool thing is, you can do this. A person like me can't. I envy you Kevin. Fortunately, your dad did you alot of good. You became a successful filmmaker and his memory lives on in each film you make and in every filmmaker you inspire to become a filmmaker. Like I said, you're rags to riches effort "Clerks" inspired me to become a filmmaker. The first film I made was about my horrible experience with my dad. I called it "Action Figures" because I felt like a toy in the hands of a maniacal culture that would allow my dad to even exist in the first place. If you want to see it sometime, then drop me a line (www.guerillafilms@mac.com). Again, maybe sharing experiences through art or personal experiences can be theraputic when dealing with life in all it's ugliness. In the end, I think us artists become artists if, for no other reason, than to help us create new language to help us deal with things so bad that no words can describe them. At least that way, my story of woe that makes me sad can, in turn, become your reason to count your blessings for the cool dad you had.
Daniel Cooper