Posted by Cb1carroll at cache-mtc-ag05.proxy.aol.com on June 09, 2003 at 13:17:55:
Kevin,
I am very sorry for your loss. I hope you and your family hold yourselves together by remembering the many great times and the funny ones too. Only time will heal the hurt, but the old stories help and keep you laughing when your hearts and souls are crying. I lost my father this past Sept.
He had had some problems including a triple by-pass, as well as diverticulitus (sp?). I happened to be visiting my parents in Aug. I live in NJ and they are in SC. He seemed to be getting much better. I remember picking on him for not letting me know that if I had postponed my trip by a few weeks I could have been there for our family reunion...his brother, sister and cousins were coming down from Kansas. It became this on going joke that I wasn't invited to our family reunion.
My dad called me at work the day the reunion started. He was returning my call because my mom told him I was hysterically upset about my job, again. That morning I had a work breakdown - my job sucks - and I needed my dad's calming "Don't you dare quit until you find something else"...speach. He gave me a great speach, I made a joke about not being invited to our own family reunion. He laughed and said love you, kid. That was the last conversation I ever had with him. The following day I called to wish my sister a happy birthday and she hysterically delivered the worse news I have ever gotten, Daddy was gone.
Amid the hysterics, guilt, denial, and feelings of utter abandoness, we all noticed that while we would have been prepared for his death after his heart surgery, it must not have been his time. We may not have been prepared for his death when it came, especailly not my sister - her birthday will never be the same, but he was ready to go. He had gotten to see his cousins, his brother, his sister and old friends one last time. He hadn't seen them all in years. He got to say goodbye. He had seen me the month before, and two of my other sisters the month before that. He had time to make his peace, and on those terms he left this place. We had no choice but to accept it.
It has been almost 9 months, and there are still really bad days, I won't lie, it hurts. But I am thankful for every second we did have together. So when you get depressed, think about all those good times, try not to think of the stuff he may have missed seeing and focus on what he did get to see, he saw your success, your marriage and your beautiful daughter. He got to experince all of that with you.
Father's Day will be hard. I still don't know what to do with myself on Sunday, but my dad would have wanted me to do something fun. I bet yours would too. Enjoy the day with your daughter, and remember the good times. I wish you the best.
~Catie