feedback for starwarsfans episode 3 script

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: okay so i read your script today and heres what i think about it : first just a general observation : during your descriptive passages you waver between present and past tense : i think it should be all present tense (like - anakin grabs the lightsaber and swings) : there are also some spelling errors that arent too big of a deal (like at one point someone says 'thats our queue' and i think what you meant was 'thats our cue' because 'queue' means line) : i liked a lot of it and i think you nailed palpatines character in particular : im not so sure i liked how clueless yoda was in comparison to qui gonn : i realize qui gonn is dead and might have some knowledge that yoda doesnt but when you compare your yoda to the one in the original trilogy your yoda struck me as a lot less knowledgeable : one of the major complaints i have is it seems like you show an event and then have characters talk about it sometimes two different sets of characters explain what just happened to other people : that stirkes me as redundant because the viewer has already seen what happens maybe you could cut down on the charcters reporting the events afterwards : also i realize theres a lot of story to be covered but in my opinion there were too many political scenes and they went on too long : remember in the original star wars the dissolution of the senate was covered in a few lines from tarkin or whoever - they never actually showed it : but in your screeplay there is endless talk about palpatines emergency powers - people talk about how theyre afraid that he will not give up his emergency powers and then theres a big scene where he does just that in the senate - and then other characters go and tell people about how he refused to give them up : thats a lot of screen time for a point that could be made in a minute or two : i just feel that theres a lot of redundancy - points are talked about then shown then talked about some more and i think it slows the whole thing down : also i like chewbacca as much as anyone but his part seemed shoehorned in to the storyline to me : overall i actually enjoyed the script and i wasnt sure i was going to : i think you write well and my major complaint is that some things are a bit redundant

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