Posted by Will Turner, Karaoke King at nat0.ucc.ac.uk on January 19, 2004 at 05:57:17:
Yes, I talked to Kevin Smith. After two years of waiting, he replied! He rules the school! Oh below is a monologue I've written to perform on stage Thursday...
The Priest And Me
Me: Bless me Father for I have sinned. It has been three days since my last confession.
Priest: OK.
Me: What’s that beeping and whirring?
Priest: Don’t worry about that, carry on. (mimes lighting a cigar)
Me: I…I…ate the last brownie and when my wife asked me what happened…I said the dog ate it!
Priest: Cut, cut! That’s pathetic! If you’re going to sin, at least do it properly. You’re taking this Catholic thing way too seriously!
Me: What do you mean? I attend mass and…
Priest: Yes, but that’ll never win me the Palme D’Or will it? That’ll get me the Bognor Film Festival at best.
Me: You didn’t want to be a priest, did you?
Priest: No. I want to be a film director. I come from a long family of Catholic priests.
It’s a pretty sweet setup here. DVD, fridge, editing suite, you’d be surprised what you can fit into a confession box. It’s a bit Wizard Of Oz don’t you think? Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!
Me: So…do you want me to make up a sin?
Priest: That would be a help, yes.
Me: Father…
Priest: Wait. And…action!
Me: Father, it has been ten years since my last confession. I have plundered the land of Rohan, ravished many beautiful women and stolen bread from the mouths of children. The burden has become too great to bear.
Priest: Cut! Beautiful, I’ll get back to you. NEXT!