Posted by Strictly Skewed at 206.165.115.194 on February 25, 2004 at 11:41:14:
In Reply to: Re: Sure... I agree posted by AshFan on February 25, 2004 at 11:29:24:
: .
: : And, right now I could say something like, "Yes, but SURELY your father's leaving had some part in your sister's issues as well."
: Yeah, she would not have been able to whore around so much if he had stayed. None of us kids blame him for leaving, believe you me.
Exactly my point
: :But this would be unfair, because I don't know the circumstances. To use my own situation again, my father did not leave us, my mother left my father, and you might be tempted to say that it is therefore partially her fault.
: Every relationship failure takes TWO people
Not sure I agree with this. It seems to me that quite often one partner is doing everything they can, but the other is doing something secretly behind their backs. How can you blame the first person? As far as you know, if they knew about the problems, they would work to solve them, but they're never given the chance.
: :However, the actual situation is that her doctor said that if she didn't leave, then he would probably have to commit her, because her emotional stability was gone.
: All HIS fault I imagine... just because she had a bad doctor, and your mom was afraid to seek therapy doesnt rationalize your mothers abandonment, geez.
Now, come on. You're making some huge assumptions here, and they're cruelly wrong. First of all, her doctor, her therapist, the one my mother went to IN SEARCH OF THERAPY, is the one who told her this. How can you assume he's a bad doctor? You have very little idea of what was going on. Nonetheless, my mother had a choice, get committed, and leave me in the hands of someone very deomonstrably an unfit parent, or leave. The 'abandonment' happened long before that, by my father. Was it *all* his fault? Probably not. I've come to learn that my mother is far from the easiest person to live with. However, it was by far mostly his fault. Or, at least, that's what I come away with. And, you know what? It happens. Sometimes, something is very much the man's fault, and sometimes it's very much the woman's fault. Please don't presume to judge my situation, not without knowing a lot more about it.
I have a lot of sympathy for men who end up in a relationship with abusive women. Don't let your own situation prevent you from having sympathy for women, or assume their situation is the same as yours.