Need critique on short screenplay PLEASE

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Posted by thatsclutch at hd22283331bfa.ne.client2.attbi.com on March 10, 2004 at 08:12:26:

I am starting up a web sitcom which will be posted on the web every 2 weeks in 5-10 minute episodes. I got the idea from web comics and decided to keep the writing style like Clerks the cartoon but with more inside jokes and more pop culture. Each episode would have current events mixed in to keep it current (the only advantage we'd have over a televised show. The first script can be read

@ http://orfilms.com/episode1.pdf

I would like to hear what you guys think of it. It's only 6 pages, but a training montage is not written yet (we need ideas). If you have any crits or suggestions please... we want them. Help us make the piliot episode something good.

Thanks in advance

Peter

http://www.orfilms.com/episode1.pdf

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Pretty good Diff 09:33:47 3/10/04 (0)
Interesting Will Turner, Karaoke King 08:16:21 3/10/04 (1)
- Training montage Will Turner, Karaoke King 08:17:53 3/10/04 (0)

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: I am starting up a web sitcom which will be posted on the web every 2 weeks in 5-10 minute episodes. I got the idea from web comics and decided to keep the writing style like Clerks the cartoon but with more inside jokes and more pop culture. Each episode would have current events mixed in to keep it current (the only advantage we'd have over a televised show. The first script can be read : @ http://orfilms.com/episode1.pdf : I would like to hear what you guys think of it. It's only 6 pages, but a training montage is not written yet (we need ideas). If you have any crits or suggestions please... we want them. Help us make the piliot episode something good. : Thanks in advance : Peter

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