Posted by AshFan at 167.136.235.247 on March 12, 2004 at 09:03:02:
Its Friday morning, and I am at work waiting for 3:30 CST so that I can go home and prepare for my fathers wedding in LA next week. My wife and I are flying out Tomorrow and spending an entire week doing who knows what until the day of magic March 20th 2004.
As a fan of View Askew, I now beg Kevin Smith to help me 'aquire' free tickets/pass's to a press event(s), and or screenings to his latest masterpiece.
Now now now... before you start yelling at me for being an asswad for asking, let me remind you that I grew up next door to a Jersey Girl... and while I never managed to get in her pants, I did manage to hit on her inappropriately while she was dating a good friend of mine, forever ending our friendship!
Also, I hear there are some assfuckery comments made in the movie... and it is a well known fact that there is no more vocal fan of said activity on this board than myself.
Bottom line... Kevin, I will do just about anything if you could HBO (Help a Brother Out) and help me look like a big shot in front of my wife (believe me, any boost in her perception of me would be a godsend). Dude, I even got a nice Italian suit that I will wear with half shorts in honor of you!!! And with my facial hair, And belly, I may draw off some of the Press Jackals who are not aware of your recent body sculpting while you make your escape.
I expect no direct response, but would never forgive myself for not prostrating myself before you (not prostating, but that may be arranged) in humble admiration, and just ask for your well known grace's and hope you can take pity on this backwards corn-fed Midwestern man, and his long suffering wife this one time.
In closing, I would like to shamelessly beg for an opportunity to at least look upon the good life for one night... and although I am aware it is highly inappropriate to do so in this forum, I also thought it would be the most humorous, and by far the easiest for me.