DrDrew.com

Kevin Smith
By Don Kaye

When we last saw writer/director/actor Kevin Smith, he was weathering the hail of outrage and controversy that narrow-minded religious loudmouths were slinging at his rather devout-if irreverent-satire, Dogma. With that behind him (although a special edition DVD is in the works), Smith is concentrating on the premiere of his new animated series, Clerks, based on his cult directorial debut. He recently followed his successful run penning Daredevil by handing in his script for a new Green Arrow comic, and is in the early writing stages of what he says will be the final movie to feature Silent Bob and Jay, the recurring characters who have popped up in all his films to date. Of course, he put that all aside to spend five minutes with us.

drDrew.com: Name a guilty pleasure.
Kevin Smith: Playing video games. It's not very productive-you're doing something, but you're not doing anything, and your mind is on something, but not really. It's a kind of Zen exercise.

drDrew.com: What's your greatest fear?
KS: Dying-particularly in a plane. I'm just not ready yet. There's still a lot more to accomplish.

drDrew.com: What's your favorite part of your body?
KS: My eyelashes. They're pretty long, and the chicks seem to like that. I've always heard that, particularly from the wife.

drDrew.com: If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
KS: Oh, I would drop about 119 pounds--maybe 200. I don't need a washboard stomach, but I'd like to be thin, because I've never been thin in my entire life.

drDrew.com: What was your worst day job?
KS: It's a tossup. I worked at a graveyard, and the backhoe went out one week, so I actually had to dig fuckin' graves. It was just backbreaking work. And I worked at this Italian bakery for about three hours one day, and it was incredibly fuckin' hot. I hate Italian desserts, so it wasn't even like I could snack out or anything like that. It was just hot and there was all this terrible food I didn't like.

drDrew.com: What's your favorite make-out music?
KS: It used to be the Moonlighting soundtrack, but now I don't have any make-out music because the wife and I provide the soundtrack. We're a couple of really filthy talkers, so there's really no need to have music on in the background, whereas with other people, I've had to have music on.

drDrew.com: What accessories would a Kevin Smith action figure come equipped with?
KS: The Kevin Smith figure would probably come with a baby slung on its hip, and copies of the TV show, Law And Order, which is pretty much how I spend most of my days. I build my daily schedule around Law And Order, since it's on three times a day and I'm there for every viewing.

drDrew.com: Who's your favorite fictional character?
KS: It's a tossup between Batman and Jack McCoy, the D.A. that Sam Waterston plays on Law And Order. He's just a really shrewd motherfucker who's all about justice, but all about winning the case, too. He's morally on target, but he'll bend the rules to win if he has to.

drDrew.com: What Hollywood star would play you in a documentary based on your life?
KS:I always say Ben Affleck, and then people go, 'Yeah, but Affleck is about one or two hundred pounds lighter than you.' But he could beef up for the role.

drDrew.com: What song best represents the soundtrack of your life?
KS:"Nothing But Flowers" by the Talking Heads, or "Run's House" by Run-DMC.

drDrew.com: When you were a kid growing up, who did you imitate when you stood in front of the mirror?
KS:Bluto from Animal House.

drDrew.com: Name a book you've read recently and liked.
KS:This is a horrible answer, but it was the unofficial guide to Law And Order. It was one of those companion books that gives the entire episode guide and behind-the-scenes tidbits and plot breakdowns.

drDrew.com: Name a film you've seen recently and liked.
KS:I liked Gladiator quite a bit. I went in there not expecting much, but I was quite pleased and surprised by it.

drDrew.com: Name an album you've heard recently and liked.
KS:I like the Blink 182 album quite a bit.

drDrew.com: Finish this line: "If we can send a man to the moon, then why...?"
KS:"...can't we figure out this whole fuckin' teleportation thing? We see it in every sci-fi movie, and we pretty much get around to most of the things we see in sci-fi movies. Is anyone working on [this]? That, or the flying car. I'll take one or the other, but I prefer teleportation, because you can get somewhere a lot quicker and not have to worry about the airlines and bad food and turbulence. Of course, you'd have a lot of accidents with atoms colliding.

drDrew.com: What's something you're good at that's totally useless?
KS: I have a commanding knowledge of trivia. I'm kickass at Trivial Pursuit. I don't even play the game, I just have people take the boxes out and ask me question after question. I'd say I usually get eighty to ninety percent right. I know a lot of terribly useless shit.