By Leslie Gornstein
A cartoon Clerks may be on its way. Kevin Smith, who directed the original movie and still kicks around as Silent Bob,
dished this weekend about the still-just-possible ABC-TV series during a twice-yearly meeting between critics and
networks.
He said it'll have the voices of the original male cast, but it won't have the black-and-white false artiness of its
predecessor. If it takes off at all, that is. The pilot is still somewhere in Korea, where animators are polishing and
caressing it.
Smith has this habit of saying things where you're not sure if he's joking or not. Like this ongoing thing about how there
might be safety tips at the end of every episode. They kept on talking about it, saying it would be like the Superfriends.
The only stuff we know he's serious about is that he hopes there's going to be a show, and he's hoping to debut it on
ABC in March, and it'll be based on the movie.
Other than that, we give up. Here's what Kevin had to say. You do the rest.
On possible time slots: "We're the replacement for The View."
On doing comedy without vulgarity: "We knew we couldn't do what we did in the movie, so we thought, 'Let's just kind
of go in the opposite direction and just make it funny without being crude. But at the same time you are trying to find
96 different ways to say 'blow job.'"
On the last 365 days: "We had a rough year in the movie industry; we made a religious picture, and it's just time to get
out of that. We wanted to do a show called The Wacky Adventures of Martin Luther and Why He Was Right."
On royalties: "In the movie, Silent Bob rarely speaks, but I do get to collect a paycheck for barely speaking (in the
series), which is really sweet. Only on TV."
On his proposed role: "Jay and Silent Bob are certainly the cartoon's buffoonery: Whip out a few dick and fart jokes
and get out."
On comin' up: "The movie made $3 million at the theater. Clerks was something that people would see and feel like
they were discovering something else. If we could start with just 10 people watching the show, in 10 years we might
have 1,000 people watching the show!"
On serendipity: "I didnŐt have a backup plan. It wasn't like, 'I have to have a cartoon on the air!' If we would have just
done a sitcom it would have been really cheesy."
On the future: "In the 6th episode Randal thinks the town is under siege by the Mataba virus, like in Outbreak, and so
the stores get sealed into bubbles. There is a race to find the disease chimp, which does not exist."
On ambition: "If Clerks takes off, believe you me, there will be a Mallrats half-hour."
On success: "People come up to you and say, 'Great movie! Wanna get stoned?' That demographic spends money!"
On movie development throughout the decades: "As bad as Clerks looked, a couple years later, Blair Witch looks even
worse."
On opting into ABC's plan: "We'll be called sellouts for at least a year."
On being like the Superfriends: "We have been trying to come up with 'One to Grow On' type things."
What's Happenin'
