Posted by Sarcasmo at tpk-233-34-217.networksplus.net on July 18, 2000 at 19:42:42:
In Reply to: Need some critcism posted by Assassin on July 18, 2000 at 16:29:50:
I'll be honest it wasn't the best script I've ever read but then it wasn't bad either. True it's not very conventional to post your own work on here but since you did the best that can be done is for it to be read. In reading the responses, most of them bashed it or did all but bash it. But being an aspiring writer myself, I would like to offer some honest criticism.
First of all, having been in video productions, it's kind of impossible to write an Oscar-worthy script when you know it's probably not going to turn out that great anyway. Believe me, I know. Secondly, the characters seemed to be very two-dimensional and, in some cases, very shallow. The story was a bit uneven and there wasn't a whole lot of genuine humor; some parts were quite funny but there was still much to be desired. The ending was interesting but lacked any real punch, for lack of a better term.
I'm not insulting your work, just criticising it as you asked. I thought you had a really good idea going and I wish you the best of luck in your revisions. But, if you seriously plan on filming this, try to make it simpler (for the sake of filming, at least) and definitley take your creativity as for as it will go during the editing process.
You've got some good stuff, but don't just stop there. And don't let any of those other guys dissuade you from it.