Posted by Darth Dobbin at 12.19.232.3 on March 21, 2001 at 14:38:42:
In Reply to: Taco Bell posted by TaggartRox on March 21, 2001 at 14:30:34:
: is it true that taco bell put a target for the mir station to crash into? i heard that if it crashes into it, everyone in the country gets a free taco.
True. This is what a big-wig at the 'Bell had to say:
*************
``Taco Bell is capturing the imagination of millions of people as they
eagerly await Mir's return to earth,'' said Chris Becker, vice president
of
brand communications, Taco Bell Corp.
*****
Y'know, maybe that Unabomber was on to something. This is the crassest, most pathetic, conniving, opportunistic cashing in on anything EVER. Does this VP of "brand communications" believe the ludicrous crap he's spewing? I don't know which is worse; someone who talks like that and MEANS it, or someone who is so without an essential soul or anything resembling perspective that he can issue such absurd statements.
The largest man-made satellite is falling to the earth -a strangely poignant occurrence, and one fraught with symbolic shades of meaning. On the one hand, it is yet another symbol that the once-omnipresent, unstoppable juggernaught of the Soviet Machine has crumbled and failed; it is a flaming finger from the sky pointing out the fact that more and more, America is the only existing Super Power...And as such, it is, I think a sort of "momento mori" and a cautionary note that is sounded. Rome once had that claim. The winds of fortune may one day blow ill for us as well.. hell, anyone who ever sat through a Mythology 101 class could at least draw the parallel with Icharus, having a reach that outmeasures the grasp. It's a tale that, I think, resonates in some essential part of the soul. Or at least, I feel, it should.
And on the other hand, it is a very poingnant moment for hopeful futurists. Without getting too Art-Bell/Space Brother-y,I think that if we don't end up blowing ourselves up, Mankind is destined to transcend his planetary constraints, and fulfill our species-level drive to expand and migrate..It took thousands of years of westward migration until all the earth had been "discovered"*(Yes, I know the un-pc implications here, but bear with me). I feel it only makes sense that Space and other planets are next on Humanity's "manifest destiny." Mir was the first, tentative outreaching and realization of that dream. Should it not be afforded some dignity in its meritorious service to our species?
And these refried-bean slinging,same-6-ingedient-mixing, chalupa-droppers want to spin it into THEIR event? I am sad and sick and angry.
And my stomach feels all oogey.
What's next? When the next school shooting occurs, howzabout Wendy's has a special 99 cent meal-deal for as many days as there were casualties? The Wendy's "MORE BANG FOR THE BUCK SPECTACULAR!" I think that's a boss idea; it would bend the iron bars of tragedy into keen dollar symbols! Can I be a "Vice President of Branding?"
STATEMENT ISSUED FROM VP, BRAND COMMUNICATIONS: "Wendy's is capturing the imagination of millions of people as they eagerly await the next terror-filled bloodbath."
Or maybe Mickey D's can introduce a new line of middle-east themed food; McFallafel and such; & promote it with a WHERE IN THE WORLD IS AUSSAMA BIN LADIN? interactive game/ You get those pull-tabs on large beverages and fries and hash brown sleeves. On each will be the name of a country, and a date. If a terrorist act occurs in that country, on that date, you get a free lard-laden meal. STATEMENT ISSUED FROM VP, BRAND COMMUNICATIONS: "McDonalds is very excited to work with the Carmen Sandiego franchise in expanding children's horizons- making learning geography fun for millions, while promoting an exciting and delicious new multi-cultural line of quickly prepared meal packages."
I cannot believe that I am writing the following sentence, but here goes:
"I have eaten my last gordita. Taco Bell has lost me as a customer."
(If you told me I would be saying such a thing six months ago, I would have told you that you were all doped up on the goofballs.)