Posted by VioLenT BoB at hh-ce1.net.monmouth.edu on April 16, 2001 at 00:40:59:
In Reply to: ATTN: Anyone who wants to read a funny script... posted by Rat_37 on April 12, 2001 at 17:27:38:
Dude, I read your defenses from David Boring, but I have to tell you, when he said your script was a waste of time, he was telling the truth. Keep your parody of Shatner and West refusing to 'go quietly into that dark knight (get it?)' and chuck the rest.
That script truly wasted my life. It's about 60 minutes i'll never get back, and I read the whole thing so you can't say i just didn't read all of it.
Here are a series of notes i made while reading it, since you three wrote it, I'm sure you'll know what parts they are referring to.
First two words of script are fuck and shit
opening scene, highly reminscient of dante under covers instead of closet/alarm clock instead of phone/ both smell shirt, just typical stupid shit.
Even the backyard hose, dare I say, Pulp FictioN?
Damn, you called it a pop bottle! I HATE people that call soda, pop.
DOC brown thing is absolutely unfunny. As live action anyway.
In an animation in the style of south park/slimshadyworld episodes it MIGHT work.
Jay just seems a LITTLE TOO BRODYISH, i realize from your posts that thats what you are going for. But hey, how many drug dealer movies would you watch if they ALL acted like Tony Montana?
WOW UNFUNNY FAT JOKES!
avoid parentheticals denoting mood...just a little screenplay tip, that's for the director and the actor to work out how they want to play it, it also breaks up the read...(my opinion)
The retarded thing really doesn't work, but hey, i get the style it's in these little 3 second inserts a la family guy.
Shabam is moderately funny as a parody of Shaq's Shazam.
Macauley Culkin bit was done on THE CRITIC i believe.
Simpsons yoink comes off as unfunny and all your secondary characters are HORRIBLE stereotypes.
Again I encourage you to consider animation if anything, this movie would blow live action.
Gremlin thing was the most predictable gag of the movie.
Again Jay reflects Banky instead of Brodie with the porn gag.
Quick thing, if you take a nine o clock flight out of california you and it takes 4 hours, you aren't going to arrive in Chicago until 3am.
Time Zones boys, Time Zones.
"Yeah, ain't it cool?"--Face/OFf?
"What the shit are we gonna do now?" Spoken by a character named Jay? Damn, man.
"ooh, Jefferson airplane?" please man
Casino meets Reservoir Dogs only real bad...ooh Jay's gonna get hurt, by this point in your script i should care whether he does or not, and i don't.
Punching JarJar vaguely reminiscient of Ace Ventura and the Philadelphia Eagle.
Yet another stereotype the Japanese Tourists...
Mr. Toad's wild ride.
Happy Gilmore poker dance?
Shatner, Coleman, west is Mildly amusing
ROUNDERS?
WHy is the street thug black? Have you ever even been out of your hometown, like Ever?
Spanish translation? Michael what would you like, an egg in your beer?
Dude, did you have anything above 1st year high school spanish?
That's about it. The ending blew. The plot blew. And you have absolutely no sense of the world around you. In closing. Time Zones mother fucker time zones.
And you can't get a one way ticket to chicago from LA sameday for two hundred dollars unless old doc brown pulls up in his time machine and takes you back to 1972.
VB