Re: You promised me funny, motherfucker....

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: : Dude, I read your defenses from David Boring, but I have to tell you, when he said your script was a waste of time, he was telling the truth. Keep your parody of Shatner and West refusing to 'go quietly into that dark knight (get it?)' and chuck the rest. : Good one. : : That script truly wasted my life. It's about 60 minutes i'll never get back, and I read the whole thing so you can't say i just didn't read all of it. : Sorry : : Here are a series of notes i made while reading it, since you three wrote it, I'm sure you'll know what parts they are referring to. : Thank you, this is helpful. : : First two words of script are fuck and shit : They are just two words. : : opening scene, highly reminscient of dante under covers instead of closet/alarm clock instead of phone/ both smell shirt, just typical stupid shit. : Typical stupid shit. That is what we were going for. All the characters do in there everyday lives are stupi shit-- hence they are bored. : : : Even the backyard hose, dare I say, Pulp FictioN? : : Damn, you called it a pop bottle! I HATE people that call soda, pop. : It is pop. Plain and simple. : : DOC brown thing is absolutely unfunny. As live action anyway. : : In an animation in the style of south park/slimshadyworld episodes it MIGHT work. : Just another Family Guy type humor. : : Jay just seems a LITTLE TOO BRODYISH, i realize from your posts that thats what you are going for. But hey, how many drug dealer movies would you watch if they ALL acted like Tony Montana? : He might be. That is a concern. One of my friends is a huge fan of Kevin Smith. I on the other hand am not as obsessed and do think they are a little too close. : : : WOW UNFUNNY FAT JOKES! : You can never ever have enough fat jokes. I mean how else are fat people gonna become self-consious about there weight. : : avoid parentheticals denoting mood...just a little screenplay tip, that's for the director and the actor to work out how they want to play it, it also breaks up the read...(my opinion) : OK : : The retarded thing really doesn't work, but hey, i get the style it's in these little 3 second inserts a la family guy. : I agree. My friend doean't. : : Shabam is moderately funny as a parody of Shaq's Shazam. : : Macauley Culkin bit was done on THE CRITIC i believe. : : Simpsons yoink comes off as unfunny and all your secondary characters are HORRIBLE stereotypes. : Which ones are you refering to? : : Again I encourage you to consider animation if anything, this movie would blow live action. : : Gremlin thing was the most predictable gag of the movie.\ : Even getting jit by the bird? : : Again Jay reflects Banky instead of Brodie with the porn gag. : I wouldn't know. : : Quick thing, if you take a nine o clock flight out of california you and it takes 4 hours, you aren't going to arrive in Chicago until 3am. : : Time Zones boys, Time Zones. : We meant that they would come home nine o'clock Chicago time. Your right we probaly should change it to seven o'clock Pacific time. : : "Yeah, ain't it cool?"--Face/OFf? : : "What the shit are we gonna do now?" Spoken by a character named Jay? Damn, man. : : "ooh, Jefferson airplane?" please man : : Casino meets Reservoir Dogs only real bad...ooh Jay's gonna get hurt, by this point in your script i should care whether he does or not, and i don't. : That is your opinion. : : Punching JarJar vaguely reminiscient of Ace Ventura and the Philadelphia Eagle. : Yeah most things are reminiscient of something. : : Yet another stereotype the Japanese Tourists... : Big deal. : : Mr. Toad's wild ride. : Hey what's wrong with the ride. : : Happy Gilmore poker dance? : : Shatner, Coleman, west is Mildly amusing : Damn straight. : : ROUNDERS? : : WHy is the street thug black? Have you ever even been out of your hometown, like Ever? : Yes. : : Spanish translation? Michael what would you like, an egg in your beer? : : Dude, did you have anything above 1st year high school spanish? : We know. It was put in there to get a reaction from any Spanish speaking people just like yours. : : : : That's about it. The ending blew. The plot blew. And you have absolutely no sense of the world around you. In closing. Time Zones mother fucker time zones. : I would disagree. : : And you can't get a one way ticket to chicago from LA sameday for two hundred dollars unless old doc brown pulls up in his time machine and takes you back to 1972. : : VB : : In conclusion, thank you for the honest and sometimes helpful critism. This is what we were looking for and not just someone swearing at us. Oh wait.

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