Posted by ~Git~ at cache.inetgenesis.com on June 22, 2001 at 04:44:48:
Do I really need to tell you there are spoilers?
Title card reads:
View Askew Productions presents:
(Danny Elfman-ish music throughout)
Shot of Brodie inside comic book store.
Brodie: "Oh my god. Don't tell me you have no idea there's a movie being made of the comic you two were the basis for!"
Jay: "WWHHHAATTT??"
Shot of Jay and Bob in Holden’s apartment.
Jay: "Where's our motherfuckin movie check"?
Holden: "The buzz indicated that movie is going to make some HUGE bank"
Jay: "What buzz?"
Holden: "The internet buzz"
Jay: "What the FUCK is the internet?"
Holden reads from moviepoopshoot.com.
"Bluntman and Chronic is the worst comic I ever read. Fuck Jay and Silent Bob. Fuck them up their stupid asses"
Jay: "Who the fuck said that shit?"
Holden: "He calls himself Magnolia Fan"
Jay: "Well fuck that. We gotta put a stop to these fuckin' hateful sons o bitches before they ruin our good names".
*Techno-rock music kicks in*
: quick cuts:
George Carlin going down on a guy that looks like Will Sasso.
Jay humps a convenience store door
Eliza Dushku fondles her boobies
Jay and Bob peer down an air shaft
Jay and Bob in costume as Bluntman and CHronic with a "Take One" guy infront of them.
the blonde chick (not shannon elizabeth) pulls a knife out, with Jennifer S. in the background.
Shannon Elizabeth giggling.
Randal running through a field screaming.
Dante being lobotomized, Hannibal-style, by some apes. Also screamimg.
Shannon and Eliza in a cat fight
Silent Bob, Suzanne and Jay gasp.
Silent Bob lights up his Blunt Saber
Jay smooches Bob on the cheek
Shot of the C.L.I.T. looking hot in catsuits
Will Ferell falling down a dam and Jay, SB and suzanne hold on to a pipe. (Wasn't this in the comic book?) Blonde chick and Jennifer flip toward the craft service table at a movie set.
Shot of the Scooby Gang. Scooby barks.
Jay says "Zoinks, yo."
JSB run into a matte painting at a movie studio a la Wile E. Coyote.
Jay says "I hate how fake Hollywood is"
"STRIKE BACK AUGUST 24th, 2001"
Diedrich Bader: "And after it's all over, you say Oo what a lovely tea party!"
www.viewaskew.com
end.
**If anyone finds any errors in this transcription, well I don't give a shit.
Just kidding, amend away.
~mark