Posted by Darth Dobbin at ct-naugatuck3a-68.wtrbct.adelphia.net on July 12, 2001 at 02:28:13:
In Reply to: *cough* bullshit *cough* posted by Sir James Quixote on July 11, 2001 at 23:21:06:
Here....
than take a chance on that friend that was always there for them when they needed him, but never gave a second thought of as a boyfriend.
KEY WORDS- "Never gave a second thought of as a boyfriend." Kid, the reason for that is half chemistry, half-attitude.
The chemistry part you've got no control over.. The attitude you do. And here's a secret, to you from me, Pinkie Lee, the attitude is MORE IMPORTANT. Chemistry (first look, head-turning) gets a foot in the door, but it is the attitude that gets your ass in the house.
"Always been there for them when they needed him..." What the fuck does that mean? Either you are "there for someone" because you care, and thus the "being there" is it's own reward, or you are thinking that this "being there" is somehow welling up karmic interest that will yeild romantic dividends.
Ain't the case. If you want to be someone's love, don't be their "there for you always" style friend. That's not a lover's role. Love and friendship are not mutually exclusive, mind you, but they are NOT the same thing.
"Always there for you when you need them?" That's a friend's role. Don't get bitter when, just because you had ulterior motives to acts of friendship, the girls in question considered you "just a friend." You cast yourself.
THIS IS A PROBLEM:
: Nice Guy #3: That quiet guy in the corner cubicle or the back of your Geometry class or bagging groceries in the lane next to you. Not much of a looker, but has a lot to offer. He's chivalric, sweet, smart, and a perfect gentleman.
This is a self-serving fiction to excuse lack of courage. I fear the quiet and timid; they are the ones who silently foment resentment at a world which does not notice them, even though they make no steps to be noticed. Shy and timid do not equal "nice." Oftentimes, the bitterest venom is, like a fine wine, aged in those quiet cubicles and classroom desks.
: Only in rare cases do Nice Guys #2 and #3 find girls to take a chance on them (Dobbin being one of the lucky ones)
Nope. I met an amazing woman, and set about to make things happen. Gave chase. Acted the part. Persued. Tricked MYSELF into having the confidence and assurance neccessary to be a "candidate." Am now blissfully, wonderfully in my third year of marriage with the most amazing person I've ever known. At NO POINT did I try to "be **just** a friend." A friend along the way, yes, but never **just** a friend. That is a deception, and love bears no deception, nor suffers liars gladly.
Your "friendship" has a hidden agenda. That's not "nice."
and give false hope to people like myself.
You give yourself falsness. The truth of the matter is in front of your eyes. No one OWES you a girlfriend, love is not due to you by dint of quiet suffering. If oyu want love, be a lover, and not a friend. The "assholes" you refer to succeed because they make their intentions known. Here's wisdom: Girls like that.
Cynical? Yeah.
No. Not cynical. Selfish, petulant, and whiney.
Accurate?
Not by a country mile, friend. Your attitude here comes off as VERY mysogynist, and that is neither "nice" or, by the by, appealing to the fairer sex.
Bitter? More than you can imagine.
That much you got correct. And that bitter is the BIGGEST turn off, and biggest self-fulfilling prophecy there is.
: And, for the first couple posts, it worked. Then the truth came out. Nice guys really do finish last.
NOOO!!! Craven guys finish last. Guys who label their insecurity "niceness" finish last. Don't be one of those guys. You are only 15; you are far too young to be so bitter and world-weary. The trick is simple-- Change the rules. If YOUR experiences are always the same, maybe it's not because ALL girls are the same, but because YOU are doing something wrong.
And it's the belief held up by all girls, and Dobbin, that keeps tripping us up and therefore never allowing us to get ahead of, at the very least, the potheads/guitarists who are ugly and have no personality, yet somehow get the chicks...
What "personality" have you offered in this exchange? Bitter, angry, "the world OWES me" attitude? Girls smell that from a mile away, and they may PITY that, but they'll never love it. And they shouldn't.
Look, this is far down on the board at this point, so chances are you are one of the few who is reading it.. But here's some real, honest advice. I don't want to come off like some sort of Master of All Things, but I can tell you my deal.. When I was 14, I was a chub with zits, and had these same tortured thoughts. I HATED being that person. So I stopped. Went to a dermitologist, went on a diet, grew out my hair, got better clothes. Fifteen was a very good year.
I knew I DIDN'T want to be a bitter kid snacking on sour grapes, but who the hell DID I want to be? I imagined some sort of vaguely disreputable swashbuckler, who made entrances into rooms, and who turned heads and caused whispers. I tried my damnedst to be that guy. I liked that guy a hell of a lot more; the chubby angry kid was a selfish baby. Confidence is the most attractive thing a guy could have- more than looks, more than weight, more than intelligence. It, like bitterness, is a self-fullfilling prophecy.
So if you are the "self" in question, why not give yourself a prophecy that makes you, and someone else, happy?
Gibran said "And think not you can direct the course of love, for love,if it finds you worthy, directs your course."
Key words there, IF IT FIND YOU WORTHY.
Be worthy.
Good luck.