you gotsta include this one

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: Little Jay devils sucker punching the Jay angel before it can counter the first Jay devil on shoulder. : : 100 Good Reasons Why Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back : : is the true #1 Movie in the Country: : : BY AWARD-WINNING ENTERTAINMENT WRITER (AND ACROBAT) : : GREGORY WEINKAUF : : : : 100. Shannon Elizabeth’s poor diction and rich friction. : : 99. Clash of the Titans name-checked twice by Randal. : : 98. Extremely sweet and talented orangutan. (No, not Freddie Prinze, Jr.) : : 97. Fills void while sitting around waiting for Strange Brew sequel. : : 96. Terrible violence heaped upon “Generation Next.” : : 95. Passable performance from Affleck. (Quit while you’re ahead.) : : 94. Sliding bass notes. : : 93. Writer/Director adopts moniker “Lunchbox.” : : 92. Matt Damon looks tired and irritable. : : 91. Road trip format eclipses many previous entries in genre. : : 90. Gus Van Sant counts money, ignores own movie. : : 89. “He loves the cock!” : : 88. “I am the Clit Commander!” : : 87. “Doobie snacks!” : : 86. “Do you like trouser snakes?” : : 85. “I hate how fake Hollywood is.” : : 84. “...shit out our shit...” : : 83. “Dude, I think I just filled the cup.” : : 82. “There’s no snacks here!” : : 81. “Don’t change the subject -- are we gonna fuck or not?” : : 80. “Snootchie...bootchies?” : : 79. Dumbass “critics” frightened by movie’s uncompromising tone. : : 78. Held up thrice on opening weekend. (Now quite sated, thank you.) : : 77. Made all the trailers look trite and boring. : : 76. Wes Craven lisps! : : 75. Biggs and Van Der Beek suffer significant abuse. : : 74. Funnier than The Player, crunchier than The Big Picture. : : 73. Velma depicted as lesbian with perky breasts. : : 72. Smashing sound mix. : : 71. Miramax “Studios.” : : 70. Shannon Elizabeth’s spit-take. : : 69. El Rey depicted as cinema theatre. : : 68. Jerome depicted. : : 67. Ali “Farter” : : 66. “We’re walking, talking bad-girl clichés! (cat sound)” : : 65. “Cornhole” used as verb by law enforcement agent. : : 64. Oh, wait, that’s Judd Nelson! (...wouldn’t he be outstanding in this : : capacity?) : : 63. Moped. : : 62. Director Smith’s love-hate relationship with the entertainment industry : : provides plenty of knowing irony without sacrificing the standard tenets of : : the paradigm (who owns whom, etc.) or reducing his struggle to caricature : : or forcing him to chain-smoke on camera. : : 61. Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher available. : : 60. Harrison Ford unavailable. : : 59. Ralph (and Japh) Fiennes nowhere in sight. : : 58. Prolonged references to Dawson’s Creek provide generous restroom : : interval. : : 57. No one pretends to be British. : : 56. No one pretends to be acting (except actors who can’t act). : : 55. Unionized dope dealers. : : 54. Expanded humorous scenario re: unionized dope dealers. : : 53. Not expanded humorous scenario re: George Carlin gag. : : 52. Joe Walsh employed to summarize the 70s. : : 51. No ignorant waffling about Tantra. : : 50. Works even if one has no idea what anyone is talking about. : : 49. Director thanks everyone he likes at the end. : : 48. Isn’t Rat Race. : : 47. Ambivalence over spelling of “PoopShoot.” : : 46. Catching self reflecting upon said ambivalence; chuckling quietly. : : 45. No lazy production and no lousy editing, thus no need to slather every : : scene with braying of current crap “alternative” band in order to make : : shenanigans of sexually frustrated losers seem fun. : : 44. In case you didn’t get that: “Doesn’t suck like American Pie franchise : : sucks.” : : 43. Director’s reach does not exceed his grasp (nor vice-verse); instead, : : wisely opts to land both in pants. : : 42. Pretty sure Will Ferrell says “Fuckbeans.” : : 41. Stupid guns used stupidly by stupid people. : : “40” is a very nice song by U2. : : 39. Film school mercilessly mocked. : : 38. Isn’t Eliza Dushku also a Sith Lord? : : 37. Fine actors who do not mind traipsing around with names swiped from a : : mostly-forgotten Krofft children’s series. : : 36. “Niggaz With Puppets” : : 35. Mac used exclusively. : : 34. Mosier wrangles extras like pro. : : 33. “The internet has given everyone in America a voice, and apparently : : everyone in America has chosen to use that voice to bitch about movies.” : : 32. At the New Bev, would make great double feature with Head. : : 31. Chris Rock says “booger flavor” with peculiar zeal. : : 30. Some critics have mistakenly attributed She’s All That joke to Holden, : : proving they don’t pay much attention to their work. : : 29. No references to nor appearances by KISS. : : 28. Salsa is used in a quick, surreptitious, nearly offscreen manner, and : : -- much like Memento -- I can’t wait to get the DVD to find out what it : : really means! : : 27. The idea of Randal being played by Judi Dench sort of works. (And : : congratulations, fellah.) : : 26. “Tracer!” : : 25. Segues between scenes rarely -- if ever -- explained. : : 24. Burton, Spielberg, Affleck and Bond series lampooned in one single : : shot. : : 23. No god-damned trombone solo. : : 22. Mooby slain. : : 21. Producers have not changed their names to those of birds of prey. : : 20. Not as good as Tank Girl, but tries to be! : : 19. Alanis Maionette once again generously stands in for Emma Thompson. : : 18. Unlike Ghost World, does not sully its humor with vain attempts at : : poignance. : : 17. No Larry King nor Jerry Springer cameo. : : 16. “Pumpkin Escobar” : : 15. Not one single “mullet” reference. Not a one. : : 14. James L. Venable’s score is well worthy of our attention. : : 13. Openly admitting that you hate this movie makes identification of : : idiocy even easier than looking kind of dumb with your finger and your : : thumb in the shape of an ‘L’ on your forehead. : : 12. Pile of diamonds sitting in plain sight upon velvet cloth. : : 11. Cynical criticisms of Smith’s franchise are almost as funny as movie : : itself. : : 10. Joey shows us how cigarettes work. : : 9. Jason shows us how cunnilingus doesn’t. : : 8. Lucas hasn’t sued yet (has he?)... : : 7. There are more than 100 good things (and 3 ugly ones) to say about this : : movie. : : 6. George W. Bush’s “Presidency” is more than 1/8th over already!!! : : 5. Mewes is a homophobe...er...homophone for “Muse.” : : 4. Apart from Kevin Spacey expecting us to accept him as a cuddly and : : inspirational alien, Jay’s the funniest thing on the screen this year. : : 3. Silent Bob breaks silence to explain in no uncertain terms how to : : protect intellectual property from rotten bastards. : : 2. The Time! : : 1. Proves that dreaming big can be an equal-opportunity e

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