Posted by TangoMania at aca89ee3.ipt.aol.com on September 10, 2001 at 20:49:25:
http://www.geocities.com/smoflow/
hidden rebel message board located on 2nd page, under YOUR SERVE...
Master Smith,
I have waited for this day for a long, long time. My feature film project, PING PONG: the MOTION PICTURE, is upon us. I
am going head to head with the big boys on the weekend of JULY 4. That is how confident I am in my concept and the end
result of years of hard work.
I wanted you to be one of the first to know, cuz I will be seeing you guys on the festival circuit, at the panels and at the awards
ceremonies, very soon. And your CHASING AMY site was used as a model for this, my first real attempt at a webpage. :)
If you fail me on this, Kevin Smith, it will be the last time. Screw this up, and I will become more powerful than you can ever
imagine...
One other note of interest: Kevin, almost every single day of my life, for the past four or five years, people mistake me for you
or silent Bob, or especially, DANTE HICKS. I can't hardly stand it. I mean, I live in Lexington, Kentucky, for chrissakes!
Personally, I look more like CHARLIE SHEEN, but anyway, it is flattering. I will send you a video clip or pic sometime.
ME, MYSELF & IRENE:
I am the writer, director, cinematographer, editor, producer, stunt coordinator, webmaster, and international jack-of-all trades
for PING PONG: the MOTION PICTURE.
It is legit, it is the real deal. I would especially like to link to VIEWASKEW, if possible.
Where do I begin?
I was born and raised in Frankfort, Ky. I was a "gifted" child, winning all the art contests in school, considered by peers and
teachers to be the best writer, built a robot for Olympics of the Mind, first chair trombone in band, straight A's, basketball star,
president of National Honor Society, secretary of this and that, blah, blah, blah.
Then I went to college reluctantly at the University of Kentucky, and my dream, my vision to make movies that affect people as
much as Stanley Kubrick, fell by the wayside for a year. I began to study psychology, and everybody said I would be a good
lawyer or politician. But inside, the creative flame burned incessantly, and I knew that whenever I was being creative in my life,
everything seemed to go well. My life was "balanced" and it felt complete.
Like each of you, I am a simple storyteller at heart. Nothing more, nothing less.
Well, I didn't graduate from college. I quit. Middle of my junior year. I quit listening to the wet blanket tossers, my critics
(parents, friends, teachers, etc), and I vowed to do it all myself.
I was recently tested and I qualified for Mensa. I have an IQ higher than Spielberg's, higher than Sharon Stone's, not sure about
Quentin (is he 160?).
All of this is irrelevant and doesn't mean squat. Straight-A's never made ANYBODY rich, that much is certain. I only wanted
to illustrate that I've paid my dues. Also, I went through the most terrifying experience of my life about four years ago. I had a
nervous breakdown of sorts, and was put in Charter Ridge for almost 3 weeks! Whilst there, I was subjected to all sorts of
meds -- the most powerful pharmaceuticals known to man.... and this was all new to a guy who has never truly been drunk,
who doesn't smoke pot or cigarettes, and is generally pretty healthy at 6'3", 215lbs (though one year ago I weighed over
275lbs!).
I had two, what I would consider, NDE's (near death experiences) that spring. It changed my life forever. It humbled me, it
taught me about the upside and downside to everything, it made me aware of the speedbumps and hurdles of life, that everyone
needs to experience in order to really live.
I was initially diagnosed with manic depression (hey, FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA, ROBIN WILLIAMS), but recently I
underwent an extensive analysis, lots and lots of tests, and now, they can't find anything "wrong" with me. ;)
Of course, I am crazy. I can assure you of that. As crazy as any of you guys and more.
And that is at the heart of PING PONG: the MOTION PICTURE. Obviously, it is an action-comedy/satire, in the vein of
everything the Coens have ever done, etc. Think KING PIN, think BIG LEBOWSKI. It is CLERKS/MALLRATS set in the
world of FIGHTCLUB.... And NO, I was not thinking any of this when I wrote it. I promise. Think: this is gonna be even more
fun!
Who hasn't wielded a simple table tennis paddle at least once in their life? Who wouldn't like to be Ray Parks for a day and use
my newly designed, DOUBLE-BLADED PING PONG PADDLE to wage mortal combat?
I will only reveal a few things: there is a matrix shot in my movie... freeze frame in ping pong ball mid-flight. Also, the opening
scene is an homage to DIE HARD, KICKBOXER (et al):
Korea, 1968... an underground cockfighting arena... two men are playing the most epic, intense game of table tennis every
filmed...
they are bare chested and bare foot... and they are playing on... broken glass.
blood, chunks of flesh and ping pong balls, are flying everywhere.
And this is just the opening pre-credits sequence.
I am currently going through negotiations out the yazoo... financing, distribution, agents, prodco's, actors, attorneys, etc.
I really want Owen Wilson and/or Will Ferrell in this movie. Or how about ANY OF YOU GUYS? Jay, Kevin, Jason, anyone
who would like to participate in an all-digital production. It will most likely be shot on T.I'.s new digital movie maker. That is
my plan.
I will keep you posted every step of the way. And I would be most honored if you would feature a little something on your
website about my exploits and the adventure that is making this film come true.
Keep up the phenomenal work! See you on the festival panels...
Brad SMOTHERMON
aka ZANDHOKAN, lord of the Sith
p.p.s. the website was my first attempt at building one from scratch, all by my lonesome. Like Stanley Kubrick and yourself, I
am a perfectionist, and I relish creative control over even the most arcane details of my projects.
it just went online at about 4:30 am Saturday, and already the thing has exploded. Please check out the message board on page
two and drop a line. You can find it by clicking on YOUR SERVE or the animated paddle.
I will link to your site(s) immediately upon hearing confirmation from you guys.
Best of luck with the animated series. I am looking forward to it.