Posted by wryn at mkc-166-182-69.kc.rr.com on January 21, 2002 at 15:08:19:
In Reply to: I need you to help me make a choice; posted by NEWMAN on January 21, 2002 at 14:26:23:
First of all, you are very brave for revealing so much of yourself on this board. It sounds like you are in high school (in the UK that's called secondary school, right?) and that's probably the toughest time of your life. The good news: life in school is not real life. My advice is to opt for individuality. Why?
1. What your calling unity isn't really that. From the sounds of your post there is nothing unifying you to your friends. Also, your relationship with your parents will improve, it may take a while, but it will improve. There will come a magical time when you stop viewing your parents as authority figures in you life and hopefully that will coincide with them stopping viewing you as a child - that part may take more hard work and risk on your part because if your folks don't come to it naturally, you'll have to put your foot down. The same will be true for friendships. They will stop having such an influence in your life. You will find a niche of people that you be comfortable being yourself around and that accept you as you are. This does not mean that they will share all your same interests - that's impossible.
2. In order for you succeed in life you have to know who you are. To hide or deny who you are only hampers that discovery process. The hardest part is learning how to be alone sometimes. Again, high school is the worst time of your life for these issues. The sooner you are comfortable and secure with who you are, the sooner you will be happy. You'll waste too much of your life trying to please and be what others expect of you.
3. You are going to have to figure out how you are going to handle the Ben/bully issue. You may want to consider about how you will feel about it in 5-10 years. Will you regret not being more friendly to Ben? Will you regret that you spent so much time in fear of being ridiculed?
I wish you luck in whatever you choose to do.