Posted by SvenDali at user-2ini8vu.dialup.mindspring.com on March 01, 2002 at 21:31:19:
Even after inhaling enough Matanooska Thunderfuck to meltdown Wolverine's admantanium into Silver Surfer pud gravy, Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back makes Abe Vigoda's flaccid, liver-spotted cock seem like Priapus's pogo-fuck. It's like watching Corky from Life Goes On explaining the relevence of Altman's dialogue layering, with slo-motion clips of Gomer Pyle going down otter-style on Sarge. The movie is as bloated as Kevin Smith's fat ass, puckered purple with colitis, after a 15 round Affleck and Damon tag-team ream-fest, dressed as the Rock N' Roll Express. Smith's rap sensibility is akin to Prime Minister Pete Nice taking his cane--slathered with Young Black Teenagers spank--and inseminating MC Search's ass, while making the Gas Face, as he slapshots on the ground like Onan. All in all, Smith must have been eating elk nuts and suffering from Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease when he decided to smear this shit onto Lumiere's lips.