Posted by McChump at spider-to084.proxy.aol.com on June 18, 2002 at 22:01:13:
I'm fucking sick of the movie business. Okay, I live in bumfuck Tennessee and have no place or claim in the world of silicone, but that doesn't mean I can't bitch about it.
Here's my problem: scripts, for the most part, SUCK! Big budget movies like Men In Black (great comic), Pearl Harbor (sorry Ben), and and The Sum of All Fears (again, sorry Ben) use so much of their budgets on speacial effects and big names that they can't afford good screenwriters. Sure, "blockbusters" have enough explosions to level Lithuania and enough stars to keep People readers happy (ever read a book NOT written by Jackie Collins, girls?), but at what expense? For this reason, I have almost given up on the classic action/adventure summer smash. I need a Bruce Willis one liner or an Arnie murmur, but, instead, all I get is Will Smith flashing his bleached teeth and flapping those Dumbo ears.
This could explain why I am now such a fan of Smithian/slacker flicks and Cusackian odes to days of torn jeans, greasy punk rockers, and taste. These guys still understand that without good writing any movie is SHIT! I don't care how many titts are flashed or ice cream trucks are blown up unless the person penning your dialogue can spell cat without a K. Where do they get these hacks? Do they just run down to the closest Denny's two days before production and ask if there's anyone who made it past third grade in the building?! "Oh, second and a half...hmmm...Okay, I guess you'll have to do. Here's a laptop and three million dollars, monkey boy. Get to work!"
Ah... who am I kidding. Will Smith has more IQ points than I do brain cells and most Hollywood writers won't have time to read this because they're too busy licking champagne off the abs of Victoria's Secret models with acting aspirations. Life sucks... but at least I have taste! Yeah, like that's something to put on your tombstone.
My question: When is Kevin going to start a commune for societal rejects and no-reason cynics? When he does, you guys have my email...