sounds like the ONION...NT

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: : dunno who wrote this... : : Subject: Sponsorship opportunities available : : I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES : : OF AMERICA, AND TO THE REPUBLIC FOR WHICH IT STANDS, : : ONE NATION, (SPONSORSHIP OPPORTUNITIES AVAILABLE), : : INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL : : San Francisco (SatireWire.com) A U.S. federal appeals court ruled : : Wednesday that reciting the Pledge of Allegiance in public schools is : : unconstitutional because it contains the phrase "under God," a decision : : blasted by Democrats, Republicans, and brand managers who say the United : : States is making a grave mistake in dropping its principal sponsor. : : : : "Over the years, the U.S. under God has been a great draw for the major : : players, such as Einstein, Solzhenitsyn and John Lennon," said government : : marketing analyst Gil Treacle. "Without God's brand recognition and : : infinite marketing powers, you risk losing the marquee names to : : competitors. Then the networks don't renew, the money dries up, the fans : : revolt, and the next thing you : : know, you're Argentina." : : The U.S. Justice Department, assigned the difficult task of finding a : : replacement, said it has already been in contact with several entities : : ("One : : nation, but 24,000 Starbucks") interested in having their brands associated : : with America. Until an agreement is reached, however, the U.S. will : : advertise the position by replacing the phrase "One nation, under God," : : with : : "One nation, (sponsorship opportunities available)." : : While the words "under God" were only added to the Pledge by Congress in : : 1954, God has been the title patron of the United States since its founding : : in 1776, and the God name adorns everything from U.S. currency to the : : phrase : : "So help me God" used to swear in the President. The three-judge panel who : : voted to sever that 226-year relationship has come under heavy fire, but : : many have defended the decision, saying it is wrong to force religion on : : anyone. : : "The phrase 'under God' clearly violates the First Amendment's separation : : of : : church and state," said McDonald's CEO Jack Greenberg. "However, there is : : nothing in the Constitution that separates chicken and state, which is why : : we're proposing, 'One nation, six chicken McNuggets and a medium Coke, all : : for $1.99.'" : : : : A handful of Americans, however, has insisted the United States can get : : along just fine without a primary sponsor. Their suggestion that the Pledge : : phrase be regularly updated to reflect the national condition, however, has : : so far attracted little interest, as a CNN/Gallup poll found only 10 : : percent : : of respondents would feel comfortable reciting "One nation, under : : indictment." : : Europeans, meanwhile, seemed to be confused by the entire episode. "I don't : : understand. I always thought it was 'One nation, we are God,'" said British : : Prime Minister Tony Blair. "Oh my, I've been worshipping them for nothing." : : God, in various forms, currently supports most nations, with the exception : : of officially atheist China and Vietnam, and the Netherlands, which hasn't : : been told yet but is in for a nasty shock tomorrow. : : **

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