Re: 21 Questions for Smalls! And the Fun NEVER St

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: : 1. If your favorite Guns and Roses song were to be covered by another artist of your choosing, which song would it be and what artist? : "Welcome to the Jungle", performed by The Offspring. : : 2. What is the geekiest thing you own? : A model light saber accompanied by a picture of George Lucas with his autohraph. : : 3. Are you secretly in love with Brian Lynch? : Of course. : : 4. How's your love life going, other than being secretly in love with Brian Lynch? : I'm married and having sex almost every night for procreational reasons. My love life couldn't be better. : : 5. You're running for president in 2004. What's your basic platform and who's your running mate? : My basic platform is 10 x 20 ft. wooden planks, and my running mate is whoever can jog as fast as I can. (Lame joke, but I'm a lame person.) : : 6. Smitty and Lynch totally fuck up the Scary Movie script and are fired in disgrace. They hire you to fix it. What do you do? : I change the credits to read that it was written by me. That is all. : : 7. You've been accused of being "too snobbish for porn". Let's clear up these horrible rumors now, the line must be drawn HYAH! What's your favorite piece of pornography (still, video, print, whatever)? : My favorite piece of pornography is the Penthouse my dad bought me when I was fifteen. : : 8. Are you into emo? Don't lie. : No, not really. : : 9. If you were a character in a Kevin Smith movie, which character would you be and why? : I'd probably be either Holden or Dante, because I have very similar traits and experiences on par with theirs. : : 10. Would you pose for suggestive Auction Askew photos if asked? HINT HINT, powers that be...don't pass up a money maker like THIS HERE. : Definitely, if it could be guaranteed that I'd look good. : : 11. Are you a feminist? Why or why not? : Half yes and half no. I believe in women's right to vote, drive, equal pay for equal work, etc. However, I do believe that all women have a superiority complex and most of them are really working toward equal pay for no work. : : 12. What's your favorite beer? : I don't really drink beer. Peppermint Schnapps, on the other hand . . . . : : 13. If Bob Dylan wrote a country song about you, what would its title be? : "The Hung Man". (Get it?) : : 14. If you had to be stuck on a desert island with 10 people (anyone, not just people you know) for the rest of your life, who would those people be? : My wife, Kevin Smith, Neil Gaiman, an English-speaking Socrates, Jason Lee, J.K. Rowling, Stan Lee, Jesus Christ, my best friend, and someone who could build a boat out of just about anything. : : 15. You've been accused of being a "know-it-all" with "abrasive opinions". What's one subject you know nothing about, but would like to learn? : Martial arts. I know a great deal about fencing, but I'd like to know more about martial arts. : : 16. What's your most practical skill/talent? : Writing. : : 17. What's your least practical skill/talent? : Speed-reading. Ironically enough, it's gotten me nowhere fast. : : 18. If Courtney Love, Shakira and Pink got into a catfight, who would you root for and why? Yes, you have to pick one. : Pink, because Courtney Love is responsible for the death of one of the greatest musicians of the 20th and 21st centuries, Shakira is a Britney Spears wannabe, and Pink isn't afraid of naming herself after the female genitalia. : : 19. Who's your favorite Beatle? : Lennon, hands down. : : 20. If you were creating a superhero comic with the main character based on yourself, what would your name and powers be? : I don't know what my name would be, but I'd have the ability to teleport through space and time. It'd make life a hell of a lot easier. : : 21. What's your favorite website that has nothing to do with ViewAskew, or anyone who posts on this board? : www.ifilms.com : : Sock it to me. Or as Nixon would say, "Sock it...to ME?" : Okay. Consider it socked.

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