Update: on situation, times running out

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: : Sorry for this being so long you guys! I got to explainin' and I couldn't stop...I hope it's a good read for all of you, and also hope that you can understand my inane banter. Pleeeeeeeeze let me know what you think! : : Okay guys, here’s the update on the situation: : First off, thank you so much for all of your advice, it made it so much easier for me to talk to her. : It hasn’t even been a week since it happened and she’s already started to feel repercussions, such as guilt. But a few clarifications are in order. Her and “ex” never had sex that night, they just kissed (which I agree is still crossing the line). And this “ex” was never really an ex; they never dated, only had trysts. The “saving monogamy for marriage” was the advice/influence from a co-worker and not her own attitude. : And the situation I explained in the original post is a little more complicated. In her defense, or rather, case (because I’m not sure yet if what she’s done deserves defending): These two men in her life mean and provide different feelings for her. The boyfriend does provide a much needed sense of stability (because her life is so crazy with work and her mother (mainly) with other family members cause turmoil) peace, the most beautiful memories and love like she’s never known. The “ex” provides a passion for her, making her feel that he likes her (because he’s never said “love”) because he wants to, not because he’s obligated. The fact that they’ve known each other since high school (two years before she met the boyfriend) and he still finds her attractive and hangs on every word or debate they have, makes her feel appreciated in a different sense. : So why doesn’t she just dump the boyfriend and date “ex” guy? : -cuz she luvs him too much, esp. to dump him when he needs her the most. : -she and “ex” have an understanding to never date for many reasons: : 1) they will ruin what they have : 2) they know they will not meet each other’s demands : 3) they’d spend their time trying to stand each other cuz arguing is all they do(as long as they’ve known each other, they would get together argue and debate passionately then it would lead to other things into the wee hours of the morning) : -she can’t dump the boyfriend that is the best friend, also part of herself and the guy she knows she’ll spend the rest of her life looking for if she lets him go. : With the boyfriend: : -He’s an attractive mix of half irish/English and half Chinese and often scruffy. : -She’s a high energy person. Her boyfriend recently got fired and he’s very demotivated.and lately just brings her down. : -She would like to feel desired, not just wanted, or had. : -She’s put her life (just out of highschool) on hold for him, three years have passed and he’s got nothing to show for it, it’s exactly the same as when they started dating only now he’s a little less passionate, but he loves her and treats her so right with the resources he has. : -He lives with his mom, and drives their car. : -He has been there for everything, from graduation to going up north, to plays, to business parties, to working together, to her father’s near death. : : With the “ex”: : -He’s blonde hair, blue-eyed (common in her past boyfriends), and opposite of scruffy. : -Brittish charmer. : -Something about him she’s never been able to resist, he’s been unable to resist about her. : -Has his own apartment, business, and is in a band. : -They argue, it stirs her. : -He hangs on every word she says and loves to pick at her brain. : I believe that’s six reasons for each of them…but it gets more complicated. : You see she thinks the “understanding” that they have being destabilized. In their most recent encounter he, “ex” has been saying things to her that he’s never said. And with the most sincerity that she’s ever seen from him. Which is so unlike him. They’ve always discussed art, science, philosophy, nature, man, technology, and anything else you could think of…except for his feelings about her. And he knows she’s not available to him but on their previous meeting he was saying things to her like, “you get more beautiful every time I see you” etc. You see, right before she started dating her boyfriend three years ago she was obviously ready for a relationship and “ex” wasn’t. She’s confused. Why does “ex” want her now? Did she make a bad decision rushing into a relationship because she wanted one so badly, but turned out to be the best thing to happen to her? : Does this change anything? (from your opinions earlier?) : What does she owe to herself? : What does she owe to her boyfriend? : And in response to your question “what are you going to tell her Ember” babka, : I told her to see this relationship through because if her connection with “ex” guy is so lasting, it’ll be there when and if her current relationship ends. That she should respect something so precious that she’s come across so early in life because there are people who spend their whole life looking for something that special and they never find it. : But the of a rambling best friend is nothing compared to the rantings of a confused mind. : Thanks for listening, and hope to hear what you all think, the sooner the better... : -Ember

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