Posted by agentray at user-2ivek09.dialup.mindspring.com on January 19, 2003 at 17:06:42:
The other night I (ray for those who don't know me) was at a local rock club in downtown Baltimore. My band (Blue Grimmice) had finished up our 35min rock ass, balls to the wall, rock ass, kick you in the face while your down set when it happened.........
I got directly off stage and began to be hoarded by flocks and flocks of beautiful young women!! (wow, right!!) This gets better. So as I turn my mind off and let my penis do all the talking, the blood flow that had swiftly taken over my member made me forget that I had a girl friend who was an on-looker. So, while I'm aimlessly hitting on every young piece of ass that is coming in plan sight, she is taken notes from the sidelines. In short "My vision was clouded, young padawans". After the hoarded of hello kiddie poster children had found other members of Blue Grimmice to use as a scathing post, I began to clear the cob webs. Walk over to my girl with poise and daring ( just like a young Indian brave about to kill his first bear or bunny...which ever comes first)and I say:
Ray: So, what did you think of our performance?
Ray's girl friend "Sarah"
Sarah: Which one?
Ray:(looking baffled)What do you mean?
Sarah: you idiot. I have eyes and ears you know.
Ray:Duh! That's why I'm asking you how our set went!
(I still have no idea what she "Sarah" is talking about because all the red blood cells that are traveling back into my brain at this time are apparently all riding in a van with a bunch of other red blood cells that are taking hits from the osmoses bong, rolling thur the blood stream with the cruise control set on 15 miles per hour)
Sarah: Ray, grow up you know what I'm talking about.
Ray: Oh yeah! I just caught on. How about..No. What the hell are you talking about?
Sarah: The flirting with those girls dressed in the hello kittie crap.
Ray: That! That wasn't flirting that was promoting our up and coming CD release... Yeah.
(sounded good in Ray's head)
Sarah: Oh yeah, well what kind of promoting techinque was it when the girl in the short skirt stuck her tongue in your ear?
Ray: (Laughing) You saw that? wow! can't get much by you. (clearing his throut and using a much more serious tone while stumbling over his words) That, that was her trying tell me...that there on the left, lies Larry her loser boyfriend who loves to listen to loud, loud music.(over using her tongue to describe)
(Sarah not finding the situation as funny as Ray did, attempts to leave the club with her girl friend Janet. But Janet has to get a few blows in)
Janet: Ray, your such a dick!
Ray: what???what did I do?
Janet: You can NOT.. let that sort of thing happen, is what you can do! (rolling eyes snapping fingers)
Ray: But I didn't do anything!
Janet: exactally! You didn't do anything!
(I feel in my mind that in order to sucessfuly sell a product you have to sell the whole product. So that other girl in the short, short skirt got a thrill and she will buy my record when it comes out. Does Sarah see my marketing genius? NO!
Sarah: I'm leaving! we will talk about this later.
Ray: Oh, So your going to call the "will talk later" shots now? Ok. Fine buy me. How about i'm not there for that? I make rosie and her five sister very happy. And I don't have cuddle when I'm done her. HA!
Game on. Beers on Me! (Ray realizing that he said all that out loud as the track to the song that was playing the back ground had stopped)
Sarah: ASS!
Ray: Yes, I have one right here.
The moral would be for women not put guys thur a series of tests all the time because it makes us defensive and renders the pottie mouth unstoppable. Ask a stupid question get a stupid answer. This is why guys are the way
we are.